I have spent more time in the last two+ years (since I took up art full time) with my own thoughts than ever before in my life. I have also become stronger in my beliefs for how I live my life, and what I fill it with than ever before. I am open to a path, I see it take its twists and turns and I try to keep my eyes open to learn...
I have also shared before that all I know about this little life, is what works for me. And, I try to share some of that with you. There are some things that I feel so passionate about that I could explode in a cloud of confetti when I start thinking about them (in a good way).
As I lay in the warmth, under the big beautiful tree, thoughts and messages fluttered past me like dragonflies...
The shadows that trees cast are so amazing. Imagine, being a creature winged or not, but living amongst such dramatic dancing shadows...
I look up, and ask myself, what do I believe? I base this on self, because, I think we forget about ourselves far too often...
I believe in self-acceptance. I believe in being kind to me. I believe in protecting my heart and soul. I believe in not getting sucked into other people's negativity. I believe in looking at the bigger picture. I believe that we all have a right to be happy. I believe that sometimes, things are trivial and we drown in them.
I believe that at times, many people forget how special they are, just as they are. Probably more often than anyone wants to admit...
I believe we all have something good to share. I believe noone is better than anyone else. I believe we all should allow ourselves the freedom to cry and purge.
I think the flow of creativity and happiness comes when we embrace who we are...
We should give ourselves permission to mess up, to not be perfect, to share our imperfect journey with others, without feeling shame. Do we all have someone we see ourselves as in our mind's eye? Do we say, "things we will better when I get back to who I was, or who I can be?" I ask, what about who we are now? Shouldn't we love the person that we are at this moment in time?
We are all a menagerie of good things. But it seems it is easier to see the bad things, in ourselves and in others.
Doesn't it puzzle you, when someone reacts to something you say negatively or in anger, when you didn't intend that at all? Or how, sometimes, we interpret things to be negative easier than we interpret them to be positive?
I think peach pits are just as lovely as flowers. Mister and I collect all our peach pits from our peach tree in a large jar. I don't see them as dried out old seeds. I see them as memories of something that was juicy and sweet.
So I share my humble little thoughts... Thoughts that I was lucky enough to start melding into a way of life, when I was a young 18. When I was forced to ask myself, who am I, what do I like to do, who am I standing all alone here? Thoughts & lessons, that I still bind together, as I add them to my life journal. And ideals that I hang on to fiercely.
When I left my city life, there were many things that came with that. I used to be a huge people pleaser. I loved being in my office, having parties, I loved all the people. I had a great wonderful time with them all. But a couple of them, didn't understand my path to the country, and were angry about it. Even though, it had nothing to do with them.
After explaining myself and not getting anywhere, I eventually accepted their not understanding as okay, and let it go. I had to embrace the people who were encouraging me to go off and make art full time and follow my dreams.
I share this with you because, I can't tell you how liberating it is when you accept that you can't please everyone. It is not humanly possible, and it is not necessary. It was a gift of acceptance I wish I had embraced sooner...
I like to say this to myself, "My life is mine, and I want me to be happy in it, I deserve that."
I think we have to be a little selfish. Even if it is just a little. Even if it is just an ice-cream cone between screaming kids.
I remind myself of the thoughts in this post, all the time. Sometimes I have to stop, look in the mirror and say, Sargeant Vanesssssa, stop being so mean to yourself!!! ;) And, that is okay too.
So, I say to you, we all have a right to happy. And to not feel guilty for being happy.
So, those are my notes, from a tree... Thoughts flying in the breeze. Errrr, hot wind. You are lovely, just the way you are!! It's not cheesy, it's true!!
ps: Some of you like me sharing movies I have seen. So, in the past few weeks I saw:
Tom & Viv, Enchanted April, Up the Yangtze, Ladies in Lavender, Goodnight Mister Tom, Dark Matter, God Grew Tired of Us, Doubt, The Times of Harvey Milk Docu (and the recent film MILK), Stone Reader &, I can't remember the rest ;)