Thank Goodness

Thank goodness for you and your beautiful notes, of which I read and felt every single letter, word and sentence.  Each one helping me begin my healing, holding my hand.  Thank you for sharing with me that you understand my feelings, which in turn shows me that I understand yours. 

Is there a phrase greater than thank you?

 

If so, that is what I feel...

You can't imagine how your kind words have helped me.  I have thought about them, in the garden, prompting all sorts of thankfulness.

A week of thinking and healing, and being, leads me to this...

 

I have in my heart you see, Thank Goodness-es a plenty.

For, as I meander through my garden, I think, thank goodness I planted all those seeds in early spring.

And that they slowly grew...

 

Because, the morning after we lost our girl, I couldn't get myself out of bed.  It was 9 a.m. and I knew that my plants had needed me since 5.  So, I slowly, with that heavy sort of heart, got out of bed...

And, in the garden, I found blooms open - waiting...

 

I looked down at a new fresh poppy and thought, "how did this happen?"

It felt like, things had happened so quickly.  Love, time, 10 years, in one blink, poof.

One minute Baby was with us running and playing, then all of a sudden she had a tumor growing rapidly up her nasal passage way, and around her left eye.  Making it hard to breathe, swallow, and lastly, making her unable to see...

It seemed, surreal.

I felt so sad.  I was upset, that a precious creature could be faced with such an ordeal.

We cried.

Loud, like children.

We cried with heart wrenching abandon.

I thought I saw her twice.

And then, sunflowers that had been growing for months, started to show their faces...

 

That's when I realized she was still here.

I saw her, I see her.  In my heart of course.  In my mind's eye.

The sunflowers whisper, everything is going to be okay.

 

And, their big blond leaves, remind me of my girl... 

With those thoughts, I kept doing my garden chores.

3 little pumpkin patches live in my garden, in different places.

A pumpkin patch.

That was one of the dreams the dogs and I made this summer.  We made dreams of grass, and towering sunflowers and pumpkins, and corn, and more...

Big dreams in the garden, I kept chanting, while planting seed after seed. 

While furry children, were constantly by my side.

 

I wasn't given high hopes from reasonable people around me, about what my garden could produce in our hot and dry climate.

 

Thank goodness, that I don't listen to reason.

:)

 

My friend Dick came over a couple of weeks ago, and I bored him with the ins and outs of my garden.  He asked me what I was going for?  He wondered if I was trying to grow a certain amount of pumpkins, or grow one a certain size?

 

And I said, quite honestly, I am just happy that we have gotten this far. 

 

Thankfulness.

I am so thankful that I got to know Baby, that I met her that day at the yard sale.

I am thankful for every morsel of tiny goodness.

I am thankful that my perception of life changed in my twenties, and that I embrace simplicity.

Because really, it is all too easy to drown, in this life, in this world. 

But if we think simply, we can live beautifully.

I can drown in complexities of sorrow.

Or, I can be happy with my experiences, and yes, mourn for their passing, but relish in the fact that they happened.

Plain and simple.

I'll leave the complexities to someone else...

 

Do I sound corny?

Sometimes I think I sound so corny.  I am a realistic person, and I know it is so much easier to be sarcastic and angry, than happy and silly and glad.

 But, I guess as you get older, silly, happy and glad, along with corny and sappy, get so much easier, and win over sarcastic and angry any ole day.  And bonus, you stop caring if it makes you cool or lame, to be happy and delighted (and corny).

Through happy and peaceful thoughts, little by little, I am healing. 

I am feeling uplifted, thanks to your words, my garden and choices.

Choosing to embrace all that is good.

Of course, I get huge pangs of sadness.  So I feel, and I cry.

Loss is such a yucky feeling.

But then, I remind myself of all the good.

And, I hug Mister and cuddle this one to no end...

 

And then, I feel a little better.

Over the last couple of days I have been enjoying the taunting monsoon skies...

 

Who gift droplets to my giant sunflowers...

 

 

 

 

 

Thank goodness for the rabbit who dropped the yellow squash he was "borrowing..."

It was yumm. 

Thank goodness for ripening peaches...

And sweet corn, oh my, yes indeed!

 

 

 

Oh, it was soooooo good.

Sweet delectable corn, thank goodness you grew!

(from oodles of 6 year old expired seeds, that I found in a drawer)

 

And, thank goodness to cactus flowers too...

 

In my garden, I start to heal, with its ups and down and all arounds.  Good things happen, and bad things happen...

 

Gophers happen. 

But the good, does out-weight the bad.

In life, and in the garden, you don't have to lose all hope.

Hearts heal in time...

I am open to love and loss, and feeling and healing.  I am open to crying and screaming, and laughing and squealing.  I am open to ups and downs and all arounds.

And most of all, I am open to believing.

 

And not always listening to reason.

 

I am ever so thankful for time and healing, and for having faith.

Wow, life is quite a ride and journey, and I am glad that we get to share it in snippets, right here.  You with me, and me with you.

 

 ♥,V

 

ps:  I will draw names for the Mad Tea Party book giveaway, and share a sunflower idea I have, in my next post.

pss:  I forgot to say that in the last few evenings, when I am out watering, I feel a strange feeling that someone is watching me.  Thank goodness, I discovered who who it was...

Comments

[Theresa]

Dear Vanessa! It is wonderful to hear from you again. And you are right - Baby is still here. She is the sweet sunflower shining in your garden. She will never leave that special place in your heart. And with sorrow there is also peace and joy - the burgeoning garden where life is so abundant. And how flowers can bring joy to a broken heart. You NEVER sound corny - it is amazing how you can open your heart so freely. I understand how you feel...sometimes we think we still see our late beloved furry babies in their favorite places. I think of you daily, and Matty, and Mister Lovee. I send you many good wishes and hugs...Theresa

[mermaiden]

my dear friend who lost a small son told me that when your loved ones cross over, they are actually around you *even more*.
i believe her. she knows.

[Kim]

Vanessa:

I have been waiting breathlessly, daily, for this post.

Having you back is a treasure. Knowing you are mourning yet thankful gives so many other people hopefulness.

Baby is with you in your garden and lives within your heart. She and Matty stood by your side as you toiled in the morning sun and nurtured each seedling.

I have had a fair share of losses over the last few years...both my mom and my dad. I can no longer touch them, but I can hear them and sometimes even smell them and I wrap myself around those moments. You are doing the same with Baby.

I am so glad you're back, not just for selfish reasons, but just to know that you are healing.

Thank you for sharing this journey with us. It was difficult and heart-breaking at times, but important and loving as well.

Kim
Gerushia's New World

[Rhonda Roo]

Well, everything the lovely women ahead of me up there said goes for me too!

And, Maddy looks different, like..he has maybe matured or gained wisdom?

That owl looks positively early for a Halloween party, with those eyes! (How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?)

And you! Growing sunflowers and corn and pumpkins & squash in the desert-of course you do! Amazing grace.

I have this image in my head of a Veevala painting where in the center of yellow sunflowers, are the faces of Lovee and Dovee and Baby and Matty, towering over bizarre Arizona, showering giant seeds shaped like hearts and rainbows in droplets of water.

(Whose corny now?) XOXOXOXOXOVIIIXOXOXO
♥~*♥~*♥~*♥~*

[Silke]

Dear sweet Vanessa! My heart has been so heavy for you and now I am glad to read this beautiful post on love, belief and healing! There is no greater healer than nature, I often think. And (this from experience) you'll find that Baby will visit you in a kinds of little ways! Or send a messenger like a butterfly or an owl. You are such a teacher of what it means to love fully!! A big hug! Silke

[Kylee]

V~

Oh my dear Friend Vanessa. I have sent many hugs and wishes for peace your way via my imaginary fairies. When I saw your news last week my heart broke into pieces for you. I hope that you continue to heal and know that you are loved and adored by so many.

p.s. Your garden looks so lovely!!

[Linda Diane]

I have checked here so many times lately, hoping for a word from you, and I was so pleased to find you back, able to post again. I teared up at the picture of Baby with the balloons! So many sweet memories you have recorded in photos. I'm so glad you have your beautiful garden to both look at and taste and that you have Matty for furry loving. I love your writing so much, the word "corny" has never entered my mind! Hugs.

[Sarah]

Dear Vanessa, I am glad you are finding comfort in your garden and your thoughts. It is true, we can be thankful for what we have experienced and that is the only way as all things pass. Lovely to read your words and see your beautiful pictures. I have been thinking of you a lot this week.
Sarah x

[Snap]

There is no doubt in my mind that Baby is there with you. When Mr. Dragon and I finally decided we wanted to create a garden many years ago ... in our postage sized backyard ... a garden to honor our beloved kitty Musashi. It is wonderful. Every year the blooms do him honor and bring us love. We smile and remember. Musashi is here with us. Enjoying, I am sure, the new member of our furry family. It is hard and we miss him still after all these years, but he brought us love that we share with our furbabies and the memories... wonderful! Love. Simple love. Tis a wonderful thing!

Wishing you and yours well. Celebrate Baby's life! You are doing well!

[Deborah]

Magical photos Oh Fanciful One...photos of your magical land. I believe with all my heart that all dogs do go to heaven, for what would heaven be without animals? A Creator so loving as to gift us here on earth would surely gift us even greater in heaven. OOOoooo the old seeds! Isn't it just wonderful how everything the seed needs to grow into the plant is right there in itself, placed by our Creator...holding the very life of Him. Life IS stronger than death. Love is stronger than hatred. Light fills darkness. Love reigns. **blows kisses** Deb

[Janel]

You aren't corny! You are Vanessa! And we love you just as you are!

Happy to know the healing has started. I think loss helps our hearts grow and allows more room for love. If you let it. The space Baby resides in will always be there, yet more space will bloom in your heart so others can reside there too.

ps. my mother has told me the sunsets over Mount Lemon have been out of this world beautiful. She says that every year, but I did see a few and WOW! You get those morning and evening?? so lucky you are!

[Teresa in California]

Dearest sweet Vanessa
This is one of your most precious posts ever...your love flows through everyone of your photos...of your garden, the sunflowers, the bounty of your hard labors, your love for Mister Lovee, your love and memories of Baby, and it is so precious that you have Matty. I think he will be your saving grace...
I almost forgot about the Mad Hatter book giveaway...not that it matters with everything else going on. I know, we can succumb to life's pains, or grow through them...and we have to be the person we are meant to be through our own experiences...and pray that maybe, just maybe we will have an affect on someone else to help them through whatever it is they are going through. Your blog has had a healing affect on my life and I am so thankful for your thankfulness on this blog.
If we can rise above whatever difficulties we face on a daily basis, I think it makes us the more stronger person. Our hearts do ache at times and the tears come, but we must go on and be creative and use our talents and spread joy and oneness, and human kindness. That is what really counts in this life...and you have done this, dear girl on your wondrous blog.
And the tears are coming as I blog this, but that's OK...tears are tiny, healing drops of love.
Hugs and lots of love come your way,
Miss Teresa

[teresa]

Thank Goodness!
Thank Goodness!
Thank Goodness...for Vanessa.
xo

[ravenmoonmagic]

How special to have your garden at this time, I imagine it would be hard to heal if baby had passed in winter, when you hadent yet made your garden dreams come true. What a gift time is... she has left you in a space of beauty to find your strength and peace with her passing and that is the most special thing I have heard in a long while.

hope your all doing well, thankyou for the wonderful pictures and inspiring words

xxx
sheree

[Tina Gates]

Beautifully said, Vanessa...and no, I don't think you are corny at all. If we didn't feel the hurt, sorrow and pain, then the good stuff wouldn't feel as sweet...light and dark, we need them both. I am so happy your garden has been a healing joy for you, and an owl to top it off! How wonderful. Isn't Mother Nature magical, she really is. I have an owl visit here, and it always seems to be when I need reassurance about something, it's uncanny really. It really is the little things, isn't it?

[Teresa in California]

P.S. Oh! And the photo of the owl is stunning!
What a magnificent, beautiful owl.
They are incredible creatures.
Thank you again for all of your inspiring thoughts and photos...
xoxo
Miss Teresa

[FawnDear]

Where would we be without Grateful Memories! The world would be dark and dreadful indeed. I can just imagine Baby's angel padding through your beautiful garden, nuzzling your shadow, sending comfort in the breeze. I will continue to send my prayers and hugs your way. Just Breathe and relish the peace in the moments that you do find it.
And Thank You, Dear Vanessa. I've been extra loving with my creatures and children since your last few posts. Trying to find joy and beauty in the moment, in such a crazy world, takes enchantment. So thank you for sharing your magic with us all.

[Cori G.]

Dearest Fanciful friendling,
I have been trying for days to write you an email, but each time I start again I stop again. There are no words only tears. So imagine me stopping by here today to see that you are feeling a wee bit better. For that I am glad. You have been ever present in my heart, prayers and thoughts this past week.

xoxo cori

[olivia]

Dear Vanessa I don't think you sound corny at all. I sometimes think it is more difficlut and far more brave to shun sarcasm, cynicysm, anger etc and just be truthful and plain and simple. And I admire you for that :)

I think your garden bursting into bloom is perhaps the reason Baby parted when she did...she was just hanging around,having quiet words with all the plants,making sure they'd look as beautiful as possible for when she was gone, to distract you and help you out of your sadness :)

you did say you were opening to believing... :)

I dont think its that hard to believe that Baby would care about you in such a simple and loving way :)

olivia
x

[Vanessa S.]

I am so sorry for your loss. Remember that no matter how bad you feel today; you will not always feel this way. My mother told me that once and it helped me through some hard times. A little hope when you don't think you have any. I'm also sporting a huge eye roll over your friend asking you what you were 'going for' with the garden. He clearly didn't get it. Now I'm wondering if his real name was Dick or were we having some fun with that? Hee hee...either way...if the shoe fits...

[Johanna]

Thankful for change & for the healing of a grateful heart that knows how to be thankful :) Prayers for you my dearest!

[Sherry Blue Sky]

What a GLORIOUS garden. What a riot of delights. So much beauty, so much richness. THANK YOU for creating such a lovely feast of positive thoughts and beautiful photos of the abundance of your life, so simple and good. I know Baby is as much a part of that garden as the bees and sunflowers. I know she is still there. Mister has a sadness in his eyes, missing his pal and feeling your pain. Thank goodness he is there with you. I felt very sad for you and much moved by the beautiful way you wrote of Baby's passing. I walked my limping aging dear old boy down the road to the creek with a lump in my throat knowing all too soon I will be missing him as you are missing Baby. I will take hope and inspiration from you, as you work in your garden, as you carry on, carrying all that Baby gave you forever in your heart.

[Wendy Bearden]

Vanessa,

All I can say is that you are a gift. I am so glad to know of you. You make me smile, laugh, cry, and just plain happy to know that someone like you exist in this world. Your garden is such a beautiful sight, and you have captured your emotions in such a way that I have goosebumps.
I cry everyday, and I laugh everyday too, and I laugh and cry at the sametime so many days its disturbing. But I know that's ok.

Heres to the corny people of the universe!
Luv ya girl,
Wendy from Wonderland

[Lynda]

Phew! I'm so happy to hear from you again. The mother in me was getting a tad bit worried. I hope the healing continues for you and your little family

[Marilyn]

Healing comes in time, but in the meantime it sounds and looks like you are celebrating life and new growth. Be gentle with yourself.

[Shell]

I feel like the Owl is watching over you as well. Sending you much needed magic as you heal. Baby is all around you, don't forget that. She is in the sunflowers, the butterflies and in the clouds. Take care of yourself, my lovely Miss Vanessa.

[Meghann]

I am so glad that things in your garden are such a wonderful, blessed distraction and aid to healing. You have such a gift for the positive, real, and true. You were as much of a miracle to Baby as she was to you, I am so glad you found each other, and so happy you gave her a wonderful life. She lives on in every step you take in your blessed gardens. I wish you a bountiful harvest :)

[Joyce]

My email has been a little hit or miss lately. Please forgive me if I have already shared one of my favorite quotes with you. Whenever I am touched by deep sorrow I always think of this quote:
"Don't cry because it's over.
Smile because it happened."

[Jaime aka artsyfartsyme]

I know your pain too well. Healing is both an excruciating and enlightening process. Perhaps your Baby and my Banshee are running free together in doggie heaven. I like to think so.

big furry hugs are sent your way.

[Tami]

I'm so glad to know you are feeling better. I was worried about you. God bless.

[Charlotte]

It is your belief in good, and fun and nonsense, and the many generous ways you share it, that brings me back to you again and again.

[robin]

Never corny, always lovely. That owl came with a message, I think! And listening to reason is way overrated. You are doing so astonishingly well. Love to you, dear girl. Big hugs, and so glad to see this post today. Sending you warm, vanilla-scented healing vibes to usher you through these days ahead with calmness and peace. ♥, Robin

[Wende]

So happy to have you back. I have been checking daily. The healing process is slow but very important. Baby will linger as long as you let her! She was a lucky little girl to have found you and you her. Keep looking forward.

Blessed thoughts to you,
Wende S.

[Jill James]

Your Baby was well-loved and you were there for her when she passed on from this earthly world......that act alone will bring you solace later.....it takes courage not to run away and hide from the pain......you have a big heart.

[Moonfairy]

Things will get better, life is still here... growing and breathing around you, and Baby is still a part of it, just in another form and shape than before.

I`m so happy you`re feeling a bit better.
When my dog died fifteen years ago I made a painting of him as part of the healing process (I was 17 at that time). My parents still have that painting hanging on the wall :)

[niky]

beautifly written

[eleni]

you made me cry again! through your words i remembered my dad and my grandma who loved me really and truly and now are not with me...
but as you say life is going on and we must be greatful with what we have...
and i have a wonderful husband ,2 adorable kids, my beautiful job as a teacher, my art journaling and You and all my blogfriends!!!

[Olive Appleby]

Vanessa be as corny as you like, we love it. Baby is all around you and always will be. I sometimes feel as though my other dogs have been to visit me, I see shadows. That gives me great joy. Are lost ones are always with us as they are in our hearts everyday...... keep safe. Ciao xxx

[Candice]

Your post reminded me of this....
"Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven. The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light."
God has put so many beautiful gifts in your life! Thanks for sharing them...

[Alexis]

Oh those sunflowers are beautiful! I love sunflowers (and eating sunflower seeds.)

Have you seen the movie Calendar Girls, with Helen Mirren and Julie Walters? Sunflowers feature in it a lot. :)

[Miss Linda]

Very well said Vanessa. Baby is still there with you. You will see her many more times, she will never leave you. She knows how much you love her. Please talk to her, she will hear you.

[karen cox]

Vanessa,
Such a lovely post, and yes the gift of having had such a joy in your life for so long is a reason for thankfulness. You sound good, and you are so wise. Sunflowers...a wonderful celebration.
Karen

[Rori]

Vanessa,

This post had me almost in as much tears as your first post informing us about the loss of your beautifull friend. It was so touching and wonderful.

*hugs* Keeping moving on and keep Baby in your heart!

Cheers,

Rori

[Lavender Dreams]

Oh my! I was enjoying the photos of your flowers and your sweet words of healing...and then I got to the end of your post! What an AMAZING photo of your owl! WOW! Now I will leave your blog open to show hubby when he gets home! It's so hard to get a photo like that! Hugs to you! ♥

[sadira]

I don't think you sound corny at all...you sound like a woman who has deeply loved, and there is always a risk in that, that you will deeply feel. I am so happy that Baby found you and you were all able to love each other so much...and that owl? VERY good...and those flowers and food are amazing and making me wish I had planted more this season...

[Melanie]

Vanessa,
Remember that in the book of Genesis, Life and Love began in a garden. I wish you unending joy. Melanie - swopemelmel@aol.com

[kristy]

One by one
Day by day
INHALE
EXHALE
That's the way.

LOVE, HOPE & JOY -------zooming--------->
your way

oxoxKristy

[A Forest Frolic]

So glad that you are healing in your own way Vanessa...slowly but surely. Your garden treasures are marvelous and I can taste them, just by looking at the delicious pictures, tee hee. Your sunflowers are huge and amazing...you must have a green thumb ;) And I'm with you on the silly and corny (much more easy and I do prefer it myself ;) Big hugs to you, the mister, and Matty too.

Jamie :)

[two crazy crafters]

Sweet Vanessa, it is so good to hear from you again. I keep thoughts of you and Baby with me all the time knowing how you are feeling. It is so good to see that you are finding comfort in your garden. Give Matty a squeeze for me, okay? Love to you all! Twyla

[Allie]

Hi Vanessa! I've stopped by every day to check in on you. You've been in my thoughts daily. How wonderful that you have such a prosperous, healing garden. I'm amazed at what's growing and healthy everything is because I know how hot and dry it can be where you are. Pure magic, that's what it is! Hugs to you, Mister Lovee, and sweet Matty.
~Allie