I went to bed with a world of thoughts on my mind. I tossed and turned. And finally, at 4:18 a.m. I said, forget this, and got out of bed. I went up and hugged Matty and Miles and let them out. Then, I crept into the studio. Closed the door between my world and the house world, and flipped on the twinkle lights.
I normally sleep so soundly.
I don't like being woken up, unless it is one of my furry loves. I will wake up if they need me. But mostly I sleep like a cherub on a cloud.
That is, unless I have something on my mind.
Then I fret.
Oh, I fret.
Do you find that anything on your mind that might be worrying you seems so much grander by night?
And yet, with daylight it seems, not so grand?
Going into the studio in the dark hour morning felt so sneaky. Like, there were secrets I would uncover. Chatting between little creatures, or something.
I heard the neighborhood rooster.
What a wonderful sound.
Comforting.
Then a couple of loud birds.
Matty barking.
I got to work.
I have so so so many things I am working on.
Plus, so many ideas and things I want to bring to life.
I wish I had a twin.
A helper twin.
Wouldn't that be interesting?
I have been working away.
Trying to fit all the things into one day, that I want to do.
Sculpting, painting, cooking, gardening, making, taking, visiting, breathing, cleaning, laundry, organizing my other house stuff into the country world - phewey.
It is a funny balancing act.
Doing the things you "want" to do makes a whole lot of work and busy days.
And yet, I wouldn't have it any other way.
I have all these garden tricks I have been up to.
Timing myself (so I don't stay outside all day, and get nothing done inside) - getting ready for the very hot summer not too far away.
(although we are having a strange cool snap for 4 days, which is lovely)
Preparing the vegetable garden, so it can mostly water itself.
No, I don't have to do any of these things.
Garden etc.
But, in some strange way, I need to do them.
I want to do them.
And then, there is the thing that kept me awake...
A possible little change around here in my wee household, on the horizon.
Possible.
Probable.
Uncertain.
Is it the right thing to do?
Well, we will all know for sure in a couple of days.
But for now, I carry it in my secret heart.
Filling my mind with thoughts.
Having me tip-toeing around at 4 a.m.
I have so many creatures, and faces, and girls who love to bake coming to life.
Maybe I should wake up everyday much earlier?
I will have to in summer for sure.
But, I feel like I have a whole new lease on my day now.
Chatting here.
Snooping around my own studio.
Seeing if I might spy anything super magical?
Then I catch a glimpse of this little shelf below.
Fairy dancing free.
A teacup filled with glitter.
And, an "admit one" ticket...
And for some reason, that breathes some sort of exciting possibility into the day.
What is to come lingers.
But I have questions...
Are you a worry wart?
Fretful at all?
I can be super calm and beyond practical.
And then, a part of me can be a huge worry wart every once in a while, and totally irrational (although the worry wartedness has slowly gotten less and less as I have gotten older and learned lots of lessons).
Then, I have this little voice right in the center, that mediates everything.
Weighs things.
And makes decisions.
Or tries.
Mister Lovee, being a calm and collected sort (unless you irritate him with sheer annoying nonsense, and make his temper hit the roof) has really taught me not to worry about a lot of things. My old job used to put me in stomach pain knots of anxiety, and he taught me how to let a lot of that go at the time.
How, worrying about things is pointless, until you have something to really worry about.
I asked him one day, "how can you tell me not to worry, when you obviously worry about almost nothing, and just go with the flow, ride the wave....?"
And he said, "I used to worry all the time, and stay up all night thinking about work and life and this and that. Then I learned it was pointless. Worrying is a waste of time and energy. Worry when you have to worry, but not before, when there is no reason to."
I felt so much better after he told me that, he used to worry a lot, and now didn't because he learned that worrying gets you nowhere.
Still, it is hard to implement sometimes isn't it?
I am not much of a worry wart these days (last few years), but if and when I get to worrying, oh my goodness! I can be extra worry warty ;)
(Oh look at the time now - I have to run down the bend! Sorry, no time to spell/grammar check, forgive me)
Love, V
ps: Look who just came in and attacked me. They act like they have not seen me in years, every single morning, or after a couple of hours. I got punched in the lip by one, and the other tried to jump on my head, all in the name of love :)
It's a mad house I tell you.
A mad house.
pss: Happy Friday the 13th!!
