Life has been crazy insane in my world lately.
A kick here, a kick there.
Trying to scramble to get up, then getting pushed over again.
Tumbling down the rabbit hole.
I won't bore you with the details, but it's been weird.
In it all, I have met the most intense dreams.
And in a pool of despair and fear and worry, hope pulls me out.
And then, I have a day like today.
Where the universe tells me, there will be good days, and there will be bad days.
There will be magic, and sorrow.
There will be love and loss.
Finding the keyhole and your way out of dark places, somehow.
I hang onto that map of me-ness, for all I've got.
I can hear the universe.
Tsking at my inability to make changes.
Liking things as they are.
Change trying to pry my fingers off of sameness, one finger at a time.
Change is coming in all sorst of ways.
All the time.
And just when the ball of nails and anxiety wind me up so much
that I have to go run in circles to be able to breathe...
I hear his voice.
You know who.
And he says.
I am here.
And I look into the clouds and whisper, I know.
Then I plunge.
I plunge into faith.
I start to flow through memories of my life.
Even in its weird turbulence.
With people I love health scares, and things I have no control over.
A warm numb peace comes over me.
And I find myself in touch with a tender spot in me.
A really open soft spot in my being.
Where sappy movies make me laugh and cry.
Where I need something like Queen Latifah in Last Holiday.
Or some elf movie.
I go to make dinner.
I turn up the easy listening pop station really really loud.
I never do this enough.
Sometimes I think it's silly.
And then I find myself searching for the station that has Delilah on.
Yes I know.
Then I hear this song below.
I never paid much attention to it.
But today, I like it.
It reminds me of my different ages - I get choked up.
In fact, I love the chorus.
I know, you have heard it ten million times.
I turn it up sooo loud.
I think of you.
Maybe you feel like I do.
Maybe life is inside out and upside down.
Heavy scary things, not so heavy things.
But still rotten.
And you need someone to grab your hand and say, hang on there you.
Whatever it may be.
I have had a smattering of them all lately.
I have to learn from it all, to cope, and come out on the other side.
Sometimes bad or scary things that happen, can teach and make you wiser and stronger.
If you can find that balance in it all.
It can be foggy.
And I turn this up crazy loud, and dance, and sing and jump on the couch.
In this moment...
"This one's for the girls, who dream with everything they have......."