Here I am!
I made it!!
Oh my goodness...
Does it feel good to type those words?!
I have been to the other side of all that is scary and awful, through the dark tunnel of freaking out and despair. Kneeling in a little church, praying like a mad woman. The beautiful support of my incredible family surrounding me, even though at times it was hard to grasp, and then all of a sudden a little light goes on in the tunnel. Something good on its way, and you wonder to yourself? Is it possible that everything could turn out better than good? You are afraid to believe it.
Scary things in life turn you upside down and inside out.
They make everything blurry and weird and gasp worthy.
Everything changes, the important things morph, your life takes a new shape and meaning.
The fear is unreal.
My strong faith is the only thing that got me through.
People tell you that you will learn so much about yourself.
But you are drowning, and you can't understand it.
You learn sooo much about yourself.
You learn about your strength.
Your rock star parents, who you can count on in unreal ways.
The important things in life stand out in such different ways.
Still learning, changing.
There is so much to tell and say, but I am still supposed to be good.
And stay in bed.
And not do anything major for a little while longer.
But I had to come back, I woke up this morning missing you and this place.
The best part of my crazy weird journey?
My family, my amazing mom and dad and sis.
Dad like a strong rock, positive and tough, doing all sorts of errands and trips.
Phone calls with my brother.
Mister Lovee, always there.
My mom with me through every single little thing.
My heart wanted to pop and explode with my love for my mom.
Her being there.
It was the most meaningful experience of my entire life.
That mom of mine.
Painting my toes with pink frosting and glitter on top...
Making me breakfast, and lunch and dinner, and stocking my freezer with homemade organic non-chemical foods.
Making my bed in layers and layers of comforters and ironed sheets and endless pillows.
Asking, are you okay my love?
Holding my tearful head as we drove to the hospital in 4:30 a.m. darkness.
I remember the love I had for my mother as a child.
5 years old, having to go to school and not wanting anything more than staying with her at home.
Sobbing little girl.
Then you grow up and want to go far away and make your own life.
But, for the first time in 30+ years, I felt like that little girl again.
It's funny how things go full circle, isn't it?
I love my mom more than I could ever describe.
She rolled her eyes at my raspberry fingers.
Some things never change...
My little family checked in on me.
Worried, wanting to be by my side.
Matty, insisting he be with me.
He was a handful, with his people hating.
But he was nice to Mombie, even though she doesn't trust him very much :)
He just protects me like a mean soldier, haha!
I'm his fave.
And then my sleepy boy.
Crying to get in bed with me.
Dahlia mail beckoning, I caved.
Don't send me garden seed and tuber/bulb teasing when I am stuck in bed :)
Refinding my little path, sun over early morning mountains...
Fairy tales growing.
Cinderella's coach perhaps?
October in the garden.
Morning sun, peeking about.
Gourdy gourd gourd gourd.
And then, last night I had to do it.
I escaped into the garden.
It was cool and glorious.
Roses peeking back out.
Although, this is where you will still find me below...
My surgery went very well, save for some anesthesia puking (worst part) despite the anesthesiologists best efforts. That took a few days to subside.
The hospital stay was wonderful, everyone was so nice to me, so kind.
My doc is amazing.
I am just a bit bruised and battered, but good.
And all my lil' strange ailments from the last couple years had a source that has been nipped in the bud.
It took a long time to figure out, but it was soooo good to find the issue and tackle it.
I can't wait for cartwheels time.
Maybe in 6 weeks or so?
It's funny, when you want to relax and lay around you can't.
And when you are forced to, you want to escape ;)
HELP! I might die of boredom.
Thank goodness for October garden nights.
It's autumn for real.
Can you believe it?
How are you?
How is life?
What's going on out there???
Fill me in, I have been in a vacuum.
I am in the middle of nowhere, tucked in a nook, I might go mad ;)
ps: My shop is back open, Halloween is on!! Wooo! So exciting!