There is something brewing.
A buzzing, a flutter, a burst of sun through the trees.
Is it rose buds, morphing into petals, opening wide?
Or petal edges drying in the sun?
It's something, but what?
Is it where fuchsia meets thorns?
I wonder in the garden.
Where everything looks different.
It's exciting, it's monumental and then...
The air is scented with fragrances so strong, you feel dizzy.
Jasmine and orange blossoms collide.
As sun goes down, and the wait for trees dripping in leaves continues...
What is it?
Do you know?
I look at cactus pads framed in blooms reminding me of Frida Kahlo.
Flowers and bees will make fruit.
As tiny grapes turn up.
I sniff, I wonder.
I go from anxious to calm.
From curious to alert.
It's a change.
Some kind of change.
Down the steps, up the steps.
Something feels odd and interesting and different?
Is it spring?
Is it me, is it you?
Is it the weather, the time, the years??
And then I start to understand.
It seems clearer.
I hide, and stroll, and think.
Think too much?
Think too little?
I look up, I look down.
I admire that bluest sky.
I get it.
Not so much.
The bees in the pittosporum sound like an engine at work..
Do they know?
What if it's seeing things through someone else's eyes?
I don't know what it is.
But I am sure it is some sort of metamorphosis.
I feel a change in the wind.
It's been tapping on my shoulder the last month or two.
In the core of my soul.
Do you feel it too?
I am starting to embrace it.
I think I have felt it before.
Yes, I have felt it before.
Journeys in life.
But it has been so long, I almost forgot what it felt like.
Everything looks different.
Have you ever woken up one day and realized...
Too much has happened to stay the same.
Or turn your back on it?
Life has taken you on journeys so vast.
You just aren't the same.
And maybe it's good?
You try to understand.
But then you realize...
That, it's only at the moment that you let go...
Plunge over a cliff, off a tree, into the deepest lagoon...
That you trust and jump...
That you take deep yogi breaths, and sit legs crossed in the dirt...
That you say, okay, I give in.
Here, have control.
That it all begins to make sense?
That it doesn't seem scary, but instead, exciting.
Growing brain and soul?
I don't know.
I don't know.
All I know is...
I feel something brewing.
Nothing is the same.
Or is it?
Or do we just see it differently.
Do you feel it?
Is life trying to tell you something?
One thing I know for sure.
It's in the moment that you go with it, and stop fighting...
That a huge peace comes over you.
And it all looks good.
I guess, we never stop growing up.
And so do we.
Maybe I changed long ago and am barely noticing it?
But it's interesting.
I am waiting for what is to come.
Is it happening to you as well?
What do you see? What do you feel?
I kind of want to dance and sing more.
And climb really tall hills.
Maybe not mountains, but hills would be okay.
And swim in hidden waterfalls.
I love doing that.
And laugh laugh laugh.
My sister and I have had some serious laughs lately.
So much laughing I had to scream from belly laughter pain.
We got a hoola hoop.
Does that say it all?
Today is blog post number 1001.
Maybe the message is hidden in the questions.
What if this metamorphosis is the acceptance of change?
Woe, that's heavy, haha!
I kind of feel like it's about being able to throw your hands up in the air and say, big deal, oh well, c'est la vie!!
(and really mean it)