You may or may not already know this story...
But, when I was 11 years old I started to paint.
I quickly became utterly addicted.
My parents let me paint on my furniture and my walls and then large canvases.
It was my release, my joy and my one true love.
I called it painting my emotions, and it made my soul complete.
My being burst with joy and a passion for creating that was inexplicable.
I continued to paint as a teen, and family and friends of my parents were all interested in my work.
Kinda funny, but it was great support for a young girl to have.
When I went off to university I decided that art would be the center of my world and all the choices I would make would revolve around making art. I gave priority to my greatest joy. Every job I had and everything I did was to support my art. The need to create and the release from creating was the most important part of my existence, I knew that to be true. It didn't matter if the art was good or bad. It was creating that was crucial for my soul.
As an adult I now know that creative people need to have an outflow because sometimes the thoughts of our mind are a bit more dramatic or complex. We can be overly sensitive to all the happenings of life. And so, a creative outflow saves us.
My first paintings were splashes and brushtrokes and mad abstract paintings.
Somewhere I have a few in one of my sheds from when I was 16-18.
When I was in college I had this bad break up that turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.
In order to heal, as I was in vast pain, I started to paint like a mad woman.
I was painting 20 paintings at a time, all scattered on my garage floor.
It sealed the deal in me becoming 100% true to myself.
It led me to painting abstract angels that I serendipitously ended up selling at an angel store in downtown Tucson, and those pieces went on to live all over the world.
I was only 19 and 20 having incredible life changing experiences.
My art has saved me my entire life.
It levels me out.
It brings me joy.
It lets me enter an inexplicably magical portal to a creative world, a creative moment.
In that I find joy, bliss, healing, myself, my voice.
In that place I am ageless and I am true myself.
Myself as an 18 year old, myself as a 30 year old, myself as I am now.
All the years of me (even 11 year old me) are present.
Melding together in a wonderful space of creativity.
Through the years I have shared a lot of my doodles and characters.
My girls, creatures and fairy tales have gone to live all over the world.
But for some reason...
I've kept my crazy abstracts to myself.
I'm always painting something.
Whether I share it or not is another thing.
But somehow, flinging crazy paint around always grounds me back to the girl I am deep inside.
It inspires me and makes me feel alive.
Like every cell in my body is tingling.
There is a beautiful freedom in that space for me.
The past few months I've just gone bonkers with my painting.
And I've decided, I should share more of my behind the scenes art with you.
I've always been open to everyone's art.
All styles, all shapes, all colors.
I respect it as an expression of their creative self.
Whether it's my style or color is irrelevant.
Whether I enjoy the subject has no meaning.
I still respect the art.
No matter what.
Because it's an expression from the soul.
From the deepest places in a person.
And so, I am a lover of all art.
For what it represents and for what it makes me feel.
Somehow in my splashing quest of freeing my emotions in paint, I have come upon some fairy wonderlands that have captured my imagination.
I have really lept into total color immersion.
Just like I did when I was 11 years old.
I've taken all the things I've learned for 30 years and mashed them up.
The things I know about paint, the things I know about color.
The things I know about how shapes and colors make me feel.
Past and present colliding.
It's like visual music.
Deepest feelings and thoughts.
I often call it the butterfly factory.
Which is funny because Vanessa means butterfly and somehow I am always drawn back to the winged creatures of my heart.
But I also feel like there are flowers, fairies and magic in these pieces.
It's what I see and feel.
Sonic waves come to life.
That's just my interpretation of it, yours might be different.
That's the beauty of art.
It brings up different things in people.
Just like these pieces.
No one is the same.
I can not ever replicate them.
No matter how hard I try.
It's a crazy journey into paint vortexes.
I am having too much fun for words.
This piece below is a fairy night to me.
To create some form of light in paint overjoys me in ways I can't describe.
I'm merging past ideas and new ideas, and in the midst my brain is exploding with things I want to do.
It's like they say, creativity and imagination grow when you are creating.
And while these pieces seem so different from what you are used to seeing from me...
For me they are the same because they come from the same place.
Fairy tales, magic, wondrous realms, whimsy, enchantment...
Dreams, water, bubbles, orbs, fanciful abstractions.
Where butterflies and flowers are born.
That's what I see and feel.
I've made about 30 more where these came from.
Some better than others in the way of color and form.
But all beloved.
Mainly because they allow me to stay in that place I discovered when I was 11 years old.
Right beside the fairies in the midnight garden.
This sacred space of wonder.
Of butterflies in your stomach exploding with excitement and inspiration.
About color and creating.
About being excited to wake up in the morning to check your paintings and to paint more.
Of course I still love painting my characters, and I still do.
Soon I'll share more of those behind the scenes girls I've never shared.
I also still love sculpting my little creatures.
I am nothing if I am not true to myself.
And my true self is a menagerie of so many things.
So, I've decided to start sharing everything I do creatively, instead of just bringing bits and pieces.
I will never be someone who can be boxed into a certain style.
I love too many styles and I am made up of far too many things that have brought me to who I am today.
Just like you.
Just like all of us.
We are all so many things that make up who we are.
My style is eclectic.
I like a little bit of everything.
I have stacks of paintings I've made over the years that I just never share.
And since I feel like my blog is a living archive, why not share it?
And so here we are, sharing my secret late night forays in photographs.
And I am excited to share more, now that I've decided to just share it all.
I can't wait to share the new ones that are drying.
So that's what I've been up to.
How about you?
What is going on out there in your neck of the woods?
It's been monsooning here big time with magical clouds galore.
Talk about inspiration.
If you are on Instagram, I share a lot of my real time painting and other things there.
Not just in little squares but in the stories section. Little videos that disappear in 24 hours. Fun fun!
I hope to see you really soon.
Lots of love from me!