A Fanciful Twist

Of Apple Blossoms, Bee's Knees, and Fur Love

Somehow it is March...

Time wastes no time.

Days skip by quickly, sometimes I wonder, what is time's rush?

We have so much to see and say and do.

Why are you going so quickly?

Then I understand, I must slow the time for myself.

A quiet garden morning, bees buzzing, dogs playing, birds chirping.

Spring is on the horizon.

The apple trees can no longer contain the secret and burst forth in laughter.

They have their own journey and cannot bother themselves with whatever the humans are going through.

They must attract bees and grow applets.

They rejoice in the sunshine.

They see me smiling.

They beckon us in the morning, birds tweeting before the sun even rises.

Our resident Princess Poppy has to think about going outside.

Teddy and I go first, and she then scurries behind us, not wanting to be left behind.

But first she must stretch and let out this hilariously loud and wonderful screech yawn.

I love her for it.

For everything that she is.

Sassy, funny, playful, loving, affectionate, silly, serious, darling.

I dreamt her one night, and then the next day she appeared on the humane society website.

With no rhyme or reason, overtaken by a sort of insanity of love, I raced down to save her 10 months ago, when she was 3 months old.

Somehow, it feels like I have known her always.

Of course, our critters save us as much as we save them, if not more.

But that is a tale for another day.

Today it is March 1st, and it's all about the apple blossoms.

Must not miss a moment, as they disappear all too quickly.

I spent January and February hibernating and feeding my soul.

Painting, walking a whole lot, listening to birds, playing with my furs, chatting under the sunshine about everything with Mister Lovee.

Spring cleaning at the country house.

Or perhaps I should call it winter cleaning, but since we have had no real winter and just one long springish season, it's felt like it has been spring for a long time.

I've painted nonstop, listened to at least 6 audio books, and then all of a sudden, the apple blossoms were here.

I am delighted to see them, somehow attempting to come out of the cozy January-February space that was gone in one fell swoop.

The bees seem shocked too, as they are buzzing to and fro frantically.

The light of early spring is so magical.

It brings with it a glowing haze of sorts, and a brilliance that makes everything sparkle.

Teddy and Poppy are delighted, running around, sniffing everything.

It's the awakening of a new season for certain.

This morning, I discovered something so wonderfully swoon worthy...

The actual bee's knees!

I had to zoom in on that photo above so you could see it for yourself.

Isn't that the most darling adorable thing?

Just the little dose of fairy tale that my soul longed for.

How I have giggled :-)

Poppy and Teddy are quite the pair.

A littleish dog and a very very big dog, sniffing around together, wrestling like mad.

Poppy starts all the wrestling matches, which can be a bit over the top wild.

As the bees fly by, she snaps her little underbite teeth in the air.

She must wonder why I want to look at her little teeth all the time, but they are just so ridiculously adorable, I can hardly handle it.

Life is very exciting for a one-year-old supermutt.

That is what she was listed as in the doggy dna test site, because she is made up of so many different breeds.

From Australian cattle herding dog to Boston terrier, to Pug and a bunch others.

The really touching thing that happened recently was that I went into the doggie ancestry site to see her results again (which I hadn't looked at since last year) and much to my surprise, her sister and mom were in the system, and I got to see photos of them.

I couldn't believe my eyes, I cried from joy.

I had wondered what had become of her sister who I wasn't allowed to adopt, as they don't allow two dogs from the same litter to be in the same household.

Most places have this rule in place to protect the dogs, because usually one dog beats up on the other (dominance), not always, but it can be an issue.

Anywho, all that to say that I got to see Poppy's sister and mom, owned by different people in my state.

I was soooooo delighted beyond words.

My spunky sweet Poppy girl, how I adore that wild flower-child.

I couldn't love these two more, they just break my heart with their sweetness.

I'm not sure what I did do be gifted two of the most beautiful souls I have ever known.

I cherish every moment with them.

Under the apple blossoms, in this new month upon us.

Bees all around...

Bluest sky, wonderful breeze.

The world can be absolute madness, but we hide here, in our little secret garden.

Admiring the petals and then painting for hours.

Kitty and her Feline Valentine kept me company all of February.

Along with a fancy cake loving gal and a huge floral painting I'll share soon.

I love when sweet, unexpected little characters emerge from my fingertips without warning.

I sit down to paint and all of a sudden there they are.

Keeping me company, with dogs snoring at my feet and birds chirping out the window.

What more could I ask for?

Maybe just a cup of tea and some biscuits :-)

And so, here we are in our secret hideaway, with apple blossoms emerging from all of our apple trees...

Enchanting, dappled light, a swirl of spring and winter.

I am immersed in creativity these days.

Painting, sculpting, doing all the things that have always been a deep part of my soul.

I can remember the first day I painted in our family garage on a huge canvas.

I was 11 years old, and my parents encouraged me to go and paint.

Likely trying to get me to go outside and do something, rather than sit inside watching MTV, haha!

Although, I would always go and explore the desert by myself for hours.

I'd take snacks and my neon peach Sony tape player to a favorite hidden tree that I'd climb.

I'd take A-ha (hunting high and low), Tears for Fears and Depeche mode cassette tapes with me.

But this one day when I was 11, I did a large-scale abstract painting, losing myself for hours in that place you go to when you are painting.

It was on that day, in that moment (that I can recall like it was yesterday) that I knew I needed that expression of creativity in my life.

I called it painting my emotions, and I was entranced by the place you go to when you are painting.

Another place in time, a faraway place of sheer fulfillment.

I know to go to that place for my heart and mind.

I know the way to it, my own map to myself.

Perhaps I've been painting so much, night and day, because I am still healing.

It has been six months since my dear dad died.

I am still in disbelief, but I am okay.

Sad yes, shocked, yes.

I ask myself, did it really happen?

My person who I spoke to every day is gone, but I still speak to him.

Whispering on the breeze, Hiiii Dad, I'm here, are you there?

I always tell him that I love him and that I'm so sorry he had to go through all that.

I've had so many chats with Mister Lovee about it all.

After attempting to find peace with the loss of my father and how terribly the whole thing went down of his rapid illness and death, and the trauma of seeing him go through that, and holding him as he left this earth...

I have come to accept, that there will be no peace made with it, and that is the answer.

There are some things in life you will never be able to reconcile in your mind or heart.

Nothing will be able to cure your pain or save you from your feelings.

And so, I accepted that I will likely not ever find a reconciliation of the pain and loss.

But I am okay with the understanding that it is an impossible loss that I cannot attempt to escape, and so it just is, and that is okay.

I am no longer searching for a time when I will make some huge peace with seeing my father die and the feeling of hugging his body when he was no longer there.

Of sitting by his side for months in a hospital as he slept.

Eating hospital food for weeks, walking the halls alone in turmoil, living in a different city, the unknown, feeling lost.

Of not being ready to see him go.

I have allowed myself to be okay with not being okay.

And that has somehow set me into a more healing place in my heart.

I am no longer carrying my pain deep within me, but instead it's just over there on the side.

A deep loss that exists, that you can't repair, but becomes less painful with time.

You cannot erase the experience, the pain or the loss, but you can put it in its own space.

Not within in you, but over there, and that is okay.

You don't have to carry it around with you all day everywhere you go.

It's like clouds in the sky.

Each one holding a story, and you can look up at them and see the story, but it is just floating around, free.

No longer yours to drag around, with a little storm over your head.

Although at first, I decided that I would start doing things and going places and take my little sad cloud with me, until it floated away into the sky one day.

Of course, you will have moments of deep sadness again, and that is okay too.

We must go through these journeys in our life it seems.

There is no way around, but through, as they say.

And so, I go through.

With Teddy and Poppy and birds and bees, with apple blossoms and paint.

With the characters of my heart that emerge into clay or canvas.

And, I mostly feel lucky to have created a map to myself at age 11.

A place I built, of whimsy and fantasy.

A place where I can always go.

Art does heal.

It truly does.

 

I hope you are well lovely friends.

Somewhere out there in our neck of the woods.

I think I can see the candle flickering in your cottage window through the giant trees.

It is spring here and perhaps snowing there?

Or perhaps it is spring there as well.

February spring, what a funny thing.

 

With Love,

From me to you!

See you soon,

Vanessa

 

 

 

 

Happiest New Year Wishes to You

Hello Lovely Friends!

I am testing this post before I write to you at 11:50 p.m. on January 1st.

I have been having some blog glitches over the last months and will return with updates to this post in about 15 minutes.

I just need to make sure it works first.

<3 <3 <3

 

And I am back.

Hello Hello!

So good to be here writing to you from our little New Year soiree.

We celebrated in front of one of our caravans at the country house.

One that I owe you a story about.

The same one that we have wanted to renovate since autumn of 2019.

But somehow, the peeling blue paint in the most perfect shade keeps me from feeling any pressure to do so.

Mister Teddy holding court as I was setting up...

I just used any things I had around the house to decorate.

A striped fabric from India, a paper garland, and glitter stars that I made a lifetime ago.

Can you believe I have been blogging for nearly two decades?

So much has changed, some wonderful, some not so wonderful.

Wonderful below.

Poppy.

Added quite serendipitously to our lives in April 2024.

The breeze wafts through. 

Ridiculously glorious weather we have been having.

Perfect for celebrating this evening.

Bumpy ornamental lemons from one of our trees.

Gorgeous golden hour light illuminating the evening.

Clinking glasses with ginger ale and sparkling apple cider.

I sigh with joy.

All that is gained, all that is lost.

All that remains the same, all that changes.

Not very long ago, I thought the greatest days of my life had come to an end.

Matty and Miles were gone.

It's not just losing someone, but also feeling that you are losing a wonderful era in your life.

But then, like magic, Teddy and then Poppy came into my life.

Proving to me that things do end, things do change.

There will likely be impossible losses.

But there are still beautiful parts of them alive in your heart and mind.

There is love that can come into your life in different ways.

This year I gained a Poppy girl and lost a dear dad that I love.

I am someone different, and yet the same.

I get older and wiser, knocked around a little, dusted off and then moving forward again.

I am naturally a happy person, I seek the light in a way that surprises me sometimes.

Ever since I was a child, if something happened, I would wake up the next day with a fresh set of eyes.

I have gone through my profound loss, the worst of it, straight through the gauntlet.

I have seen more than I ever wanted, I have been stronger than I ever expected.

I have been heartbroken, broken, patched back together and set back on my path.

Lost in the woods and then somehow miraculously emerging.

Albeit it with wounds and memories of the past year, so many.

Still some tears, which is always okay.

But there are the lifelong memories to date, so many good.

One thing I know, you will be ok.

Somehow.

And even if you are not ok, that has to be ok too, because it is out of your control.

Some days will be wonderful, you will almost forget about your pain.

Others, you will be reminded again.

But one thing I know for sure is that you must go forward.

And with time, you will get better.

You will laugh, smile, love.

You will not forget, but you will feel a little better in time.

Some days you will have setbacks.

You will ebb and flow.

This is all okay.

This is life.

I started writing this blog in December of 2006.

It is one of the greatest joys of my life, and I would very much like to continue.

There are some huge issues with my blog service, which I will not bore you with.

Loading photos takes hours and many tries to get one to stick.

What I have done is backed up my blog, just in case this service poofs one day.

But look for me, because I will return again if that happens.

It's so scary to think about losing 18 years, but I have learned so much this last year.

Nothing lasts forever, and your experience is all about how hard you choose to take it.

Will you be pliable, elastic?

Will you be firm and unwavering.

Change is all around, no matter how much we would like things to always stay the same.

As my friend's mother said, before I had surgery over a decade ago...

Nothing will be as bad a what you yourself will put yourself through.

Boy was she right.

Look, the truth is, some things will occur that we can't just be all happy go lucky about.

But if given the choice, why not try to reach for the light.

I will seek it out, even if it's the tiniest orb of light in a dark wooded path.

And maybe that is what this year of 2025 is all about.

Be more pliable, more elastic.

Be kind and forgiving to yourself as well as to others.

You don't have to stop loving your old loves that have gone to the great beyond.

But you can allow for life to gift you other wonderful happenings.

Be open and willing.

One of my favorite sayings that I always say wrong, but it's my interpretation, is - 

"It's in the moment that you make a decision that the universe conspires to assist you."

Be it a pet, a hobby, an adventure, a dream, a voyage, a state of mind.

It's really all up to you in so many ways.

State your wish, your intention, write it down...

And watch it begin to manifest.

It might not happen the way you expect but be open to the unexpected.

Take it from me, sometimes things will happen in the most curious way.

You will look back and say, oh my goodness!

I can't believe how that unfolded.

I personally like to look at life as one long journey, as opposed to a year-to-year basis.

But for the sake of how our lives are set up and how the world operates in years...

Then I shall end my chat to you by stating that in 2025 I want to be kind to myself.

I want to be mindful and present and enjoy each and every day to the best of my ability.

I will write down my dreams and hopes, and I am open to how any of them would like to unfold.

Shall we try that together?

 

Happy New Year.

I wish the best for you always.

May you go into the New Year in a calm mindset of self-love and dreaming aplenty.

Love, 

Vanessa

 

See you soon!

 

Fortune Teller Caravan in the October Woods....

Dear Halloween loving friends, 

I invite you back in time this All Hallows' Eve...

To the curious visitor under the trees.

Would you dare enter a place of spell books...

Fortunes and incantations?

Pumpkin magic fills the air...

With glowing candlelight under star kissed skies.

What could this place be?

You tell me?

Would you like to have your fortune told?

Or do you prefer to never know?

A cloaked figure appears as you look around.

Hello my pretty, says a crackly voice.

Enticing you in with perhaps, a spell for love?

Your friends hide behind the bushes, wondering what one earth you are getting yourself into?

She beckons them in with a finger...

"Do take one of my caramel apples or magical cakes."

Will you?

Shall you?

Then it is time for fortunes to be told, as her crystal ball shows her a message.

Do you dare take a peek?

Do you really want to see?

The woman is deep in thought.

Breathing slowly as messages come her way.

Do you run or do you stay?

Curiosity will always get the cat.

Or will it?

Is this a game of chance?

As you sit across from her, all caution thrown to the wind...

She tells you your deepest darkest secrets of things to come.

All I can ask is, what did she say?

Bwahahahahaaa!

Magical wonderful October wishes and happy Halloweeeeen!

I do hope you enjoyed your visit to our wagon under the trees at the country house.

I have to thank Mister Lovee and his scary mask (as well as his wonderful acting skills} for telling us such a spooky Hallows' Eve tale.

I went back into the archives to find the original photos of this magical night.

I thought I'd upload larger photos without the editing I had done years ago.

If you fancy a peek at the original post with this story, it is right here.

 

Thank you for meeting us where the desert meets the forest.

Thank goodness for autumn and all the magic it brings out way.

Happiest Halloween wishes.

Love, 

Vanessa

 

 

Enchanted October

Hello lovely friends.

I hope your October is treating you well.

I have been immersing myself in the season by painting.

I have enjoyed every moment of painting the characters and critters in this piece.

I used a 1.5" deep canvas so that I could paint around the sides as well.

I've been listening to wonderful spooky podcasts whilst painting fireflies, fox and more.

The weather turned wonderfully cool so the owls in my trees at the country house have been extra loud.

Which in turn inspired me to add an owl in a tree hole.

I listed this piece in my shop today and it found a new home.

I will be sad to see my little characters go, but very delighted that someone else will be enjoying them.

So, I am very happy about it as well.

I think it's important to share your work.

It's not always easy because, at least for me, there is bond formed as you bring the characters in your mind to life.

I am especially fond of the kitty and think I will paint that sweetie again.

Given everything that has happened in my life in the last few months, I really didn't feel like pulling out all of my Halloween bins.

So, I thought that perhaps a Halloween inspired painting would be the most perfect option for me.

I would get to spend time inside of a storybook place and feel the real spirit of the season that I love so much.

It has been the most wonderful magical few weeks of painting.

I've loved it.

And in the end, I decided to do a little decorating at the tiny cottage that is in the garden of the country house.

I'm finding my way back to happy, little by little.

I can always count on the magic of art.

As they say, art saves.

 

Lots of love from that place where the desert meets the forest,

Vanessa

 

PS:

I wanted to be here so many times in the past few weeks, but unfortunately something is going on with Typepad, my blog provider.

It has become increasingly difficult to upload photos and sometimes I have to try 10 times to get one photo loaded.

I am in the process of looking into other options.

In the meantime, I'll keep trying, even if I can only load short posts.

<3 <3 <3 

 

 

Of Botanicals and an Autumnal Country House Window

Greetings from the country house.

My little window shelf is full of whatever I can find in the garden right now.

The botanical bits and bobs made me so happy, that I have kept refilling them.

Eucalyptus and a few roses.

A bit blurry, but I am offering you phone pics today whilst testing my new computer here in the country.

At the beginning of the pandemic I decided to create my office at house 2.

But I still have my original office at the country house, which I call house 1.

I was just in need of a new computer here, so here I am.

This little window is in the little kitchenette between my office and my studio.

It makes me so happy.

I can see out to the back, and even get a little peek of the tiny cottage out to the left.

Pomegranates are all ready and some even cracked open.

The light is changing, and the mornings are definitely getting cooler up here in the mountain.

Baby Poppy is napping right behind me as I type to you.

I had to snap this photo because she sleeps with her arms turned out so curiously.

She's just such a sweet and sassy little girl.

I'm sorry about the odd phone pics, but I don't have my fancy camera with me, as I have been away.

I came directly to the country house upon my return from out of town.

As you may know, 7/8 years ago we added a second house to the mix.

So, now we live at two places and go back and forth every day, as they are close to each other.

The country house is our love letter to rustic cottage and creative living and has been our home for over 25 years.

House two was just a really interesting curious place that came our way, that we purchased at the perfect time.

One day we would like to build a new cottage at the country house, but we will chat more about that on another day.

For today, I shall share where I have been for the last week.

In all honesty, it was a very challenging week.

I traveled to our family home.

I went through all my dad's things and chose everything I wanted to keep.

Everyone got to choose what they wanted, and at the end my mom gave me my dad's wedding band.

It fits me perfectly on my third finger and I have not taken it off since receiving it.

In the midst of all of that, I got severely ill from my allergies, in dealing with dusty things on super high shelves and such.

My mom keeps an immaculate house, but the super high shelves in dad's closet were dusty.

Over the last 3 years I have become alarmingly allergic to household dust.

To the point that my eyes swell up and I sneeze for 3 days in utter misery, even with allergy medication.

It's truly debilitating.

As a child I had severe allergies to almost everything outdoors.

And so, my parents took me to an allergist at 8 years old, so that I could have a normal life.

I received 4 shots on each arm, twice a week, until I was 18.

Thanks to my mom for making that happen, because I can now have a garden and dogs.

Alas, I must return to the allergist because the dust thing has become more serious.

Are you allergic to anything?

Both of my parents have allergies, so I suppose dna got me there.

Aside from that, it was nice to be at the family home and we accomplished some huge projects.

I did really well doing the projects and such.

But upon returning home I did feel sadder than ever.

It comes in waves, and I am certain it will for a very long time.

But I do also feel happy and creative at times.

Then I think about my dad, and things take a detour.

He was one of my best friends, I miss our daily chats terribly.

I listen to our favorite music from Somewhere in Time, John Barry.

And other artists such as Neil Diamond, Luis Miguel, Andrea Bocelli, etc.

The most random thing happened the other day.

My phone pinged with a notification from YouTube offering me a video.

I opened it and it was the song My Way by Frank Sinatra.

And I thought...

Ok, Dad.

I hear you.

You know, the end is never easy.

You want so badly to take away any suffering or pain the person you loved went through.

I think that is the hardest part.

How to find peace in those feelings.

I'm just living my day to day life, with tears and smiles all along the way.

It's just the way it's going to be.

It's all very unbelievable at times as well.

You think you'll have your parents for so much longer.

You think there is another day, another tomorrow.

You never expect the unexpected.

I have buckets of wonderful memories.

I hold on to them and just move each day, one step at a time.

Painting, gardening and dogs are the joy of my life.

Nothing is guaranteed.

Each day must be lived to the fullest possible.

For me, that's cuddling with Teddy and Poppy and putting paint on the palette.

Watering my plants, pinching fragrant leaves.

Watch clouds go by, enjoy it all.

Enjoy anything beautiful around you.

Sky, rain, breeze, music.

Embrace it.

In all of this I have learned, only the very simple things truly matter.

I knew this, but now it has been proven to me.

All that matters is that you find some sort of joy in your life.

That you look up and see all that nature has to offer.

In the end, you can not take anything with you.

Your journey and your experience become the most valuable thing you ever had.

So, make the experience as lovely as you can.

It's the greatest treasure you will ever behold.

Your journey.

Your joy.

The good and the difficult.

All of it.

Your journey is all yours, it's your greatest most meaningful thing.

The bees, the flowers, a hug from someone you love.

Your family of pets and humans.

Music, creativity, a cup of tea in a garden chair.

Those are the things that truly matter.

All your collections of those little things are the most invaluable of riches.

They are the richness of your life.

 

See you soon

Love, Vanessa

 

 

 

 

Hello September {Cozy days at Teddy's House}

Inviting you in for a cozy simple day in our home.

Perhaps a cup of tea and a biscuit?

If you are visiting, be certain that Teddy will be sitting on your lap for most of the time.

Offering you endless hugs and resting his head on your chest.

That's our Teddy.

Pure Love.

He puts up with Poppy's surprise wrestle matches and gives her every toy and treat that he might have in his mouth.

I can't believe I have these two sweet dogs.

I am so eternally grateful for them in my life, they bring me so much joy and really help me get through these tough days.

Them and going into the garden, so good for my little heart.

Truth be told, I'm up and down in my emotions.

Sadness grips you unexpectedly it seems.

You can be hanging a piece of art and then whamo, super sad, crying in bed.

Luckily the dogs then jump on me and are such bundles of joy, I just hug them madly.

I encourage myself to make things from the garden goods.

So, I made another batch of pesto.

The last batch I made was such a hit, it was gone in a day, although I did manage to freeze a little.

Nothing really says summer like basil.

Look at that little sweet face, by my side as I sorted basil leaves.

Poppy is such a loveable joy.

Sometimes I can't believe I have two sweet and loveable dogs.

Poppy sleeps glued to my side at night.

The oddest thing, she has sooo many of Matty's habits and traits.

It really surprises us so much.

It's like she has always been here.

She even knows how to open doors just like he did, and she's known from the very beginning.

Teddy sleeps at my feet, or drapes himself over me, until he gets too hot and goes to the floor to cool off.

I bought these curious little bundles of flowers at Trader Joe's before my mom went back to her house.

We spent our summer in Scottsdale, near my dad's medical care.

My avocado trees got a little taxed while I was away, as my helper forgot to water them.

I think they will come back though.

When my mom and I returned to my house (from being out of town), I told her we had to try to do a few happy things.

So, we bought flowers and treats before she headed an hour and a half away to her house.

It's a little bit hard to go from being super busy, racing around freeways and rented houses.

Being with my mom all day every day.

To now, being back at home and really processing everything that has happened.

I'm drying more flower bundles.

Going for walks with Poppy.

Teddy goes for his walks with Irishman because he's too strong and wild on walks.

I've found out that Poppy does not like other dogs.

Hopefully she will outgrow that in the future.

But she makes up for it by loving all people.

I've never met a dog who loves people as much as Poppy does.

Teddy does too, although he will act fierce sometimes.

Mister Lovee took care of them wonderfully all summer.

They adore him and see him as dad.

Anywho...

It's been nice and odd to try to refind myself in my two homes, and in my own life, after such a harrowing few months.

The pesto was good though, so we have that.

I never use a recipe, I just make it all to taste.

I sit outside, watching all the beautiful butterflies and yellow-bellied finches.

The yellow guys love to steal zinnia seeds before they are ready.

And of course, they are wild about the sunflowers going to seed.

I'm just taking deep breaths.

Loving on dogs and admiring winged creatures.

I thought I had done so well all summer.

We were so crazy busy being by dad's side, renting houses, moving around.

I thought I was doing so great, which at the time I was, but I think I was also very numb.

My brain's coping skill to get through this very arduous summer I suppose.

A few days ago the numbness lifted, and I felt more in disbelief.

So raw and sad, I almost panicked.

Did this really happen, is my dear dad really gone?

Normal feelings in the stages of grief.

It will take time, I know.

Even typing this feels surreal.

My strong dad, caretaker of us all.

Gone.

I see now why he worked so hard to make me wildly independent.

Ever since I was a little girl, he's been pushing me to be so strong.

And he succeeded in so many ways.

I can fix almost anything, I try everything that I'm curious about.

I know to pray, to feel, to go through the fire in order to come out the other side.

I know you are growing when you are in pain, even if you can't see it at the time.

I am in that space of accepting reality.

I feel joy and sorrow all at once.

Everyone tells you how short life is, gosh is it ever.

That's why it's important to try to enjoy each day as best as you can.

Look up at the sky, watch the clouds and the creatures.

There is strength in vulnerability.

But you don't always have to be strong, and you shouldn't.

Just allow yourself to feel what you need to feel.

Remember, the person you lost loved you so much and would want to see you smile.

They want the absolute very best for you, and more.

They would want you to know that they are okay, and they are still loving you from beyond the galaxy.

I know beyond anything else, that my dad would want me to thrive.

He would say, my love, life is very short.

Do all the things that bring you joy, do everything you want to do in life.

Paint, dance, sing, play with your dogs, live it all up.

Go go go, don't sit here and wallow.

Gooooo!

He would always push us to get up and go.

Don't sit here and cry, but keep living.

Don't be afraid.

So many wonderful things are there for you.

Grab them.

That's what he would say.

That is what he is saying.

And, I believe him.

 

Love, V

 

 

 

 

The Summer I said Good-Bye...

Farewell August.

Farewell dear lovely dad.

After a very unexpected illness and long arduous summer, things were looking up.

Dad was getting better.

I sat by his bedside giving him a manicure, laughing, listening to music.

He kept rubbing my cheek, telling me he loved my smile.

"I love that smile..."

We watched the beautiful sunset and hugged.

I left and returned to hug him again before leaving a second time.

A few days later, all of a sudden, he took a turn for the worst.

I was by his side right until his last breath.

Holding his hand, not wanting to let go.

All I can hope is that he is in a wonderful, beautiful place.

Healthy and young again.

He always loved the scent of the garden.

He would stand in my garden and say, this is unbelievable, and the scent is unreal.

I never understood my deep calling and need to grow a garden since I was 19.

But I know that it has taught me so much and held me in the most difficult times.

Sunshine, birds, butterflies, clouds, petals.

It's been my way to get through anything in life for the last 25+ years.

I was away in another city renting houses and hotels all summer.

Trying to be near my dad at all times as he was getting care in another city.

When I would come home for a few days I would take photos of my garden and then leave my camera behind.

I had not looked at any of the photos until today.

Summer feels like a blur, and now August has come to an end.

Today I will share some of the images preserved by my camera, of the place I go that holds my heart.

It's hard to believe that my dad is gone.

Although, much like when Matty died, I still feel my dad around me.

I do not feel an emptiness within.

I am sad that I will not speak to him every day on the telephone, like we were accustomed to doing.

But I'm still speaking to him out loud, and I hope he can hear me.

He was so excited to meet little Poppy.

He loved the videos and photos I would share with him.

Alas, he never did get to.

I talked to him about everything going on in the garden.

About what the weather was like.

We listened to all of our favorite songs.

We had our song, and a few close others that we loved.

It was my pleasure to be by his side during such a hard time.

I understand that none of us can stay here forever.

But I am very sad that he had to get ill and go through all of that.

That is what pains me the most.

He was a practical man, filled with sayings and mottos.

I have buckets of sayings told to me from birth that I will remember fondly.

In fact, many of them have helped me throughout life.

My dad would definitely not want me to sit around sobbing all day.

I can hear him so clearly.

He would likely say, stop crying, let's go, you have so many things to do in life.

Do them all, do everything you want to do, never give up on your dreams.

I have moments of peace as well as moments of disbelief that all of this has transpired.

My heart aches.

I am certain the grieving process is all about this and more.

Emotions will ebb and flow when least expected.

One minute you are laughing and the next, you are reduced to a puddle, crying in a corner.

From the day I can remember, my dad has been pushing me to be brave and strong.

But still laugh and cry each day, and always allow yourself to feel your emotions.

(my dad had given Teddy that racoon and now Poppy has taken it as her own and loves it)

I feel that at no other time in my life would I have been able to lose my dad.

I was not ready for such a profound loss.

But with age I have become stronger and wiser.

Although I am totally heartbroken, I feel able to cope (albeit difficult) in a way that I never would have been able to when I was younger.

I have learned so much about life.

With the passing of time, I have lost friends and my dear beloved dogs as well.

I have learned so much about loss, and about how those you love can stay with you, in your heart forever.

You never have to let go, you can hold them dear and love them forever, even if you can not see them.

Poppy grew so much this summer.

Gosh, my dad would have loved her.

There are times I feel strong and others I just have to sob.

But right now, I don't feel my dad is gone.

I feel him by my side.

And for that I am grateful.

He is all around.

In golden hour, in rain drops, in sunsets, in the breeze...

And now it's time to make my apple jam.

Which I had told him all about.

I am eternally thankful to the garden.

I am thankful for all the work it requires and all the endless gifts it gives in return.

I am so grateful to have a place to go to be busy, to have hope, to watch beauty flutter all around me.

Yesterday monarchs flew all around us, bouncing into each other, and flying all around Poppy and Teddy.

Poppy was mesmerized.

I have to tell you...

I had written an entire post an hour ago and hit something with my pinky and lost the entire text.

No photos, just text.

I could not retrieve it with the "restore content" option.

It was the oddest thing.

So, I decided not to get upset and go outside for a break.

Just then, there was a clap of thunder, and it started pouring rain.

The sun was shining low through some clouds and purple and pink light illuminated my face through the rain.

It was some sort of magical golden hour, mixed with rain.

I knew what that meant.

I would have never gone out to see it if I hadn't lost my post.

I felt my dad there in that moment.

So, I rewrote my entire post.

Everything came out differently, but just as it should.

 

I thought I would have my dad in my life until he was at least 86.

He died on August 24, 2024 at the age of 76.

He had been fit, energetic, running his business, being his loud bossy self that I adored.

He was healthy, took care of himself and had me convinced he'd be around forever.

Life is so unpredictable and totally out of our control.

I have completely accepted that.

I will miss my dad until my last day.

I will cherish my dear beautiful mom who has been by my side through all of this.

My brother and sister have also gone through a lot, but it is not my place to speak of their grieving.

I just wanted to stop in and share about where I have been all summer.

About my sad little heart.

And to properly say Farewell to August and to my father and best friend, Ray Valencia.

A dad who will continue to live on in my heart through his sayings and continue to teach me things.

Because I know exactly what he would think or say to any question I have in life.

And perhaps, that is the greatest gift of all.

A gift that can never be taken away.

"No one loves you better than your dad..."

His saying to me since I was a child.

Every card, every conversation...

I know that to be true.

I have always felt very loved.

My loyal guardian and guide.

Ray Valencia.

Love you forever dad.

♥

 

One of our songs, which he used to sing to me as a little girl, and stuck with us all these years.

Funny but true.

The movie had just come out with Dudley Moore and he just loved this song.

Arthur's Theme by Christopher Cross

 

 

Tea for Two and Two for Tea {In the Country}

We are celebrating the last days of spring in the garden at the country house.

Summer is fast approaching, and we are filling our pockets with petals and lovely moments.

I can't think of a better way to enjoy this time than by having a little tea party.

I scurried around grabbing a heap of pretty things.

First a random assortment of tea things, and then a vintage Ralph Lauren sheet that pretended to be a tablecloth.

Of course, there would also be cake.

But first you must make your way there...

Past the wisteria gate...

And giant bees!

Through the arbor, guided by the very last beam of golden hour light...

Twisting past the most gigantic mesquite tree and then taking a sharp right past the gypsy wagon...

To where the roses have gobbled up my little gallery...

Is where you shall find us waiting for you.

Orange spice tea, lemon cake and a delectable petaled white cake.

Where else would we rather be as the afternoon turns into evening?

With more roses than we can count, singing a beautiful little tune.

Or perhaps it's the birds that chatter away in the evening.

Although, I like to pretend it's the flowers singing all the same.

Sleepy dogs join us as we enter these very lazy days of summer.

It is getting hot, petals are falling, roses will take a nap until monsoon season begins.

I can't wait for monsoon season, with fluffy big clouds and pinkest sunsets.

Wild winds whipping around every afternoon and the petrichor of that first rain.

With a scent engrained so deep into my memory bank, that I almost become a little girl barefoot in an Arizona rain puddle, right then and there.

Yummm!

Such drama awaits.

A tea party is the perfect way to truly enjoy a moment, a day.

As you may know, I am a huge proponent of tea parties.

I think they are so good for the soul and take such little effort.

A simple way to add maximum joy to your day.

I hope you enjoyed your visit with us.

I have other tea party goodness up my sleeve to come as well.

What is your favorite tea?

I am more of an herbal tea person, as I am allergic to caffeine.

I love orange tea, lemon ginger, mint, hibiscus and decaf green tea just to name a few.

I hope the season is treating you well.

And now, somehow, summer is just around the corner.

Time flies when you're having tea parties :-)

 

Clinking your teacup from that place where the desert meets the forest.

Love, 

Vanessa

 

See you soon <3 <3 <3

 

 

 

Meet me for a Chocolate Cake Tea-Time...

Hello lovely friends.

So much to catch up on with you, as a magical spring has fully unfolded.

I cannot think of any better way to do it than with tea and cake.

Can you?

A dreamy chocolate cake with a hot orange tea under the apple trees is just the thing.

Spring has come to life ever so beautifully, with fruit trees in full bloom and endless buckets of roses.

Golden hour light is now shining through my garden like a fairy tale.

I learned that the sun does not shine so magically in winter through my arbors as it does in the warmer months.

It inches over just enough to burst through the arbor just as the roses are in full bloom.

I gasped when I realized this for the first time, I could hardly believe it.

This spring has brought more flowers than ever at both houses.

The days were going by so quietly and calmly...

Teddy and I had fallen into a sort of lazy routine of cuddling after our chores.

Watching our favorite shows together as he smothered me with love.

Painting at night, reading in the loggia above the pool.

Watching the bees quietly.

Tending garden in the country.

But then a series of curious events unfolded.

In fact, these events have been the biggest reason that I was so silent for 2 months.

One afternoon I was paging through the Humane Society website when a new pup popped onto the screen.

Her photo had just been loaded and I gasped.

I felt such a deep connection.

Here I was, just enjoying my calm little life with Teddy by my side, when I became unfathomably obsessed with rescuing this little darling.

And so, I did.

Can you believe it?

It was totally unexpected and unplanned.

The thought of her took over my mind, I couldn't even sleep.

I somehow knew she was ours.

And so, she is.

Cheers with cake and tea :-)

I will be sure to share much more about our little Poppy soon, but for today I could not imagine coming here to say hello without giving you a snippet of that news.

Now, if you follow us on Instagram then you know every single little thing going on.

I try to post daily videos of our life in the garden and such.

But if you do not, then ta-daaaaa, I have a new little girl.

She is about 5.5 months old and has brought a crazy wild avalanche of busyness and goodness into our lives.

She's been with us nearly 2 months I think.

Mister Lovee adores her, and so does my sister and Irishman.

She has a curious little family that smothers her with love.

But most importantly, she has a big brother who plays with her all day and will give her anything she wants right out of his mouth.

A toy, a treat, anything.

So precious.

We've had daily early puppy mornings, chasing everything in sight, a real hunter of a little dog.

She's about 22 lbs. right now, so we will have to wait and see how big she gets.

She has a very petite face and legs, so I don't think she'll get too big.

But then again, I could be wrong.

It'll be fun to watch her grow up.

She's cuddly and loveable like Teddy.

I never thought in a million years that I would ever have love like Matty and Miles in my life again.

And yet, here I am with two very loveable dogs, and my heart just expands and expands enough to fit everyone in fully <3

Love is MAGICAL!

Teddy and Poppy <3

I did a doggy DNA test on Poppy and I received the very interesting results.

(mostly to find out about her health, since no one at the Humane Society really knew her breed)

She first has a lot of Brittany in her DNA (spaniel), then a bit of pug, Boston terrier, cattle herding dog (like Matty), and a few others.

She has an adorable ginger spot right on her side and freckles in her white fur.

I couldn't love her more, it was divine intervention, I am certain.

She has a pink collar now, but she borrowed Matty's at first, as seen below.

In the midst of all the good news, a loved one has fallen quite ill.

Not ML or Irishman or my sister, we are all fine (knock on wood).

With that have come many days in hospitals and a bit of topsy turviness.

That's predominantly why I have not been around, you see.

I have been inspired to love each day ever the more.

Watching a hummingbird mama have a baby hummingbird.

Then watching her baby fly off.

Only for her to return and build a new nest on top of her old nest and lay another egg.

I am truly speechless and will share photos with you next time for sure.

I just noticed her new nest about 10 minutes ago, so I must go and take photos today.

I love coming here to chat with you, it is so calming for my heart and soul.

Spring has been utterly beautiful beyond words.

It's funny how that happens, when life has hard moments, nature gives you more than you could ever hope for.

I haven't even been picking many flowers, I've just been enjoying them in the garden.

Although I do have a small few elderflower in my flower press right now.

I hope to come here to say hello again very soon.

One thing I have been doing all spring is taking my big camera out with me and taking tons of photos.

It's so much fun to put on good music and just sit and scroll through the photos.

Taking the time to take photos is such a wonderful act of mindfulness, I love it so much.

 

I hope you are well in your neck of the woods, and I hope to see you soon.

Please let me know how you are and what you have been up to if you feel so inclined.

In the world of scrolling, I know leaving a comment is not that fun to do, but I'd love to hear how you are.

 

All my best!

See you soon <3

Love, Vanessa

 

 

PS:

Here is a lovely collection of songs to listen to.

I enjoy them so much <3

 

 

Apple Blossom Tea-Time with the Bees and a Boy

February's magic is all around.

The early apple trees have blossomed and taken our breath away.

I have a mixture of Dorsett Golden apple trees and Anna apple trees, as they work together for best pollination.

These trees are also meant for a warmer climate, so that is how I am able to have apple trees in the high desert.

They also are ready for picking in the summer and not autumn, which makes for the nicest summer treat.

I love seeing the bees go wild with excitement, they hardly sit still in their frenzy.

The weather has been sublime, sunny in the 60's and 70's.

But there has also been quite a lot of rain, which has turned the garden into a cottagecore dream.

I wish it would stay like this all year, that would be the most unreal thing.

With such perfect weather, what better to do than...

Pack a basket of crafts, treats and stories to read.

With a big huge quilt under one of the apple trees, exactly where we need to be.

Bluest skies and decadent breeze, with my Theodore Laurence.

An afternoon made for the memory books.

Looking up at the clouds and the trees...

Birds, blossoms and the humming of bee wings.

Teddy and me, delighted beyond measure.

Tin of sewing notions...

Bluest blue imaginable.

Time to sip and nibble.

We chose the absolute most perfectest day to have a picnic together.

Teddy adored the quilt and rolled around, stopping to nap and slowly opening one eye to watch a huge hawk fly right above us.

I just gaze up at the beauty of the blossoms.

How can they be so beautiful?

I choose a little book to page through and read.

Garden sounds almost lull me to sleep.

Teddy's coziness is contagious.

We enjoyed a couple of hours in the sunshine, and then the most unexpected thing happened.

I looked around at all the poppies that self-seeded from last year and thought about watering them.

It had been so rainy, that wildflowers popped up everywhere.

No sooner had I thought about their need for water, when grey clouds rolled in.

The clouds added a wonderful moodiness to our picnic.

I started to pack up my little tid-bits in my favorite tin from my sister.

She gave it to me a few years ago...

And I decided to paint it into one of my paintings.

I finished this painting a while back, but I brought it out to add some details in the sun.

I giggled when I realized I had the tin with me too, and so I took a photo of them together.

We were feeling ready to pack up our picnic when a huge clap of thunder roared.

Perfect timing, as we were just about to go inside.

The air changed as the giant clouds seemed to drop lower, to where you could almost touch them.

The change in the weather changed the entire mood of the garden.

It too was magical in its own way.

The bees worked feverishly, knowing that they would have to take cover soon.

I snapped one last photo of another apple tree as we walked out of the garden.

As soon as we went inside it started raining torrentially.

How could our timing have been so perfect?

So much rain came down that the wildflowers seem to have doubled in size overnight.

February has been such a full month for me.

My sister came to visit for a couple of weeks, which I always look forward to.

We have such a wonderful time together and Teddy is crazy about her.

We do all sorts of things and spend time at both houses.

We watch Teddy run at the speed of light around the country house garden paths.

Teddy insists on sitting on my sister's lap whilst she is embroidering.

We do dollhouse projects and bake lovely things.

I loved taking this month to refuel after the holidays and enjoy so much time with my sister.

Now spring is beckoning us into the garden at first light.

Every morning I am eager to jump out of bed and go out to see what new things have happened.

I put in many many hours of garden work this month as well.

I must have made 8 gigantic piles of brush from last summer and autumn.

Did a huge clear out and pruned all of the roses.

I am ready for what is to come and swoon when I see little tiny clusters of leaves start to pop out of rose canes.

The loveliest of days are embracing us, I am so grateful.

I wonder how you are in your neck of the woods?

Do you have snow?

It did not snow here in February as it usually does.

Although last year it snowed on March 1st and melted the next day.

The apple trees had bloomed but handled the snow like nothing had ever happened.

Here is a link to that snow last year.

It was just amazing, and of course, our dear Matty was still with us.

Ah life, such a strange little place.

I am off to plant a few seeds today.

I am starting my tomatoes and pumpkins inside the house, as well as popping a few others right into the garden.

 

I hope to see you very soon!

Thank you for visiting us where the desert meets the forest.

All my best.

Love, Vanessa

 

I'll leave you with a little video on YouTube of Teddy and me in the garden.

 

 

 

 

 

ps: This is what I listened to whilst writing this post.