Do you ever wake up sometimes, after a long sleep and a hearty dose of inspirational dreaming, and decide you are going to change something in your life. You groggily concoct a plan. But, the plan is way too flighty for words, and has no structure to it? You don't even have the faintest idea of how you will begin to bring this dreamy change into your life. Yet, you are determined to get there, no matter what form of transportation it takes... That is your firm decision before you even pop out of bed...
The dream could have been anything. It could be real life things, like, you are going to change, quit, or alter, your job - and do what you love (or quit anything that is on your list to quit). Or maybe, You are going to leave a relationship or even start a new or different one. Or work on the one you already have :). Perhaps you have decided that you are going to stand up for yourself. Or, you are going to clean your house, organize your life. You are going to get on a diet, do something with your hair, get a facial... Or, you are going to delve deeper, on the gears inside your body... Cleanse yourself, take care of yourself, nurture yourself. Whatever it is...
You wake up knowing there will be a change. And, the only thing that is entirely palpable, are the lingering feelings those dreams brought you to. To that perfect state of being. That place you have been striving to get to, to find that ultimate thing called, Happiness. In that "happiness package" lives everything you thought your life would be "when you grew up." You know those thoughts that go like this, "when this happens or that happens, I will be happy. Things will be better..."
And we think, maybe when I get to my very own Hollywood... Maybe then, I will be happy... I will begin to live... Hollllyyywoooodddd Here I ccome...
You replay the dream a dozen times before you start your day. And, your window of dreams actually seems like it is just within grasp... Albeit not all that clear...
So you set out with a plan, still early in the day... You empty the fridge, make your bed (not something that happens often here), or you proclaim to your family, "there will be change." Whatever it is... You begin it...
The key to that place is different for all of us...
So, on a day just like this day... When dreams linger and seem so real, they start to take on some sense of reality and shape... We write a letter (that is my version at least).
Yes, this is a perfect beginning to going out and making those dreams come true. We are just certain of it...
So, the letter is written and you must seal it and send it off. In my case, I am telling Mr. Lovee that I am setting off to make some very important dreams come true & he need not worry about me...
Of course, the thing we forget is that noone else (but the hundreds of imaginary friends living in our head) will understand where this is coming from. Why we feel such passion about it. Such desperation to get there...
So, into the mailbox the letter to Mr. Lovee goes...
We hide and wait to see his reaction. I know, sneaky... He has no idea what is in store...
He thinks it might be a love note (I suspect).
He inspected the letter a bit. And then, took another sip of coffee... He put his hands over his face like he was crying (but, I am not fooled, I know he was faking and giggling underneath it all). Then he asked, who is this from? (oops, I forgot to sign it, but really, can't he guess?)
Still, nothing was stopping me, I was on a mission. I had to get my Schwinn 3 wheel bike ready for the voyage. The world looked pink and teal, it was 80's bliss ;)
Until of course, the record player scratching hault came barreling through. The real world would not be cooperating with the dream changes easily. A FLAT!! More than a flat...
I threw my hands up, and decided to go for a small walk. The events of my dream were fading, as were the reasons I was off to make who knows what, come true...
Things were feeling normal again. And, as I walked, I started to notice that there was a teeny tiny miniature garden world of amazing life all around me.
Growing in this desert... All on their own, just enough to fulfill me. Maybe this is the place my dream was leading me to. Finding the tiny beauty right beneath my feet. It was all simpler than I thought...
And, in all reality, am I really going to make my dreams come true, by riding my Schwinn to my very own version of Hollywood?? (Okay, maybe just for the day. It could be a ride to the apple orchard without a cell phone. Just a bit of a freeing feeling, riding in the wind... What could it be fore you??)
And so this is what happens, we have these deep seeded feelings of dreams, our dreams. Of how things can change or even be better. Of what it will take for us to fill little voids... To inspire our lives...
My opinion is that nothing in the world we attain, will fill those little gaps, those little voids... Nothing we buy or atttempt to possess or own or do... They might mask the voids, but they do not fill the voids. And even if we do mask them, after a while, the voids will turn up again... Harsher than before. With a vengeance...
I learned this one day, after a horrible break-up (many many years ago). I stopped after much insanity, realizing I had to get over it. The pain seemed unbearable... And I sat down with myself, talked to myself, and asked myself, honestly, what would make me happy at that moment? What could I do right then at that minute? Who was I? What did I like to do? I was 20 years old. And right at that moment, I got in my car and went for a drive... (by the way, many years later when my aunt died, I realized that pain I was feeling during that break-up long ago, was the feeling of loss, not just getting over a break-up, but actual loss)
It took me to a plant nursery. I started gardening that day. In a tiny piece of soil, where I have even managed to grow a couple of trees that are very tall & strong now, and make me so proud... Sitting outside and breathing, that is what I began doing... But most importantly, I was planting my own little garden, in my heart and in my soul, that I could have no matter what, that was safe, without voids. And, when my little plants and herbs started to grow, gaps filled in, more and more... But, it really came down to "what are the things I like to do, that make me happy..."
I had been painting since I was 13 years old. But, in the madness of life, I had been doing it less and less. So, I also started painting again, more than ever... The painting and the gardening pulled me out of my sadness by my bootstraps... (back then, when I was 20 years old)
I stopped asking myself, "what was expected of me," and started asking myself, what do I want to do that will get me through today. A book, a walk... A good movie... I think, we don't have to change our lives dramatically all of the time, we just have to absorb the good things around us that we are missing... Even just 20 minutes of it everyday, can refuel the soul... Helping little voids not feel so vast...
What I learned through my painting and gardening at 20 years old, when I was asking myself who I was and what do I like to do, was incredbile. It released me, and it also changed my life forever. All the things I thought I was working towards. All the things everyone else around me was striving to attain, were down a different path... Not my path though...
What I am trying to say is, little bits of happiness are around us all of the time. I am not talking about knock you down sublime happiness (which might in fact find you too ;). But I am talking about, lovely little things that brighten the day, and bring a tender feeling. They help us live in the now, and not later, when we are waiting for things to change...
Little bits of happiness are tiny teeny little weeds giving off purple flowers. Little bits of happiness are free. They do not cost money. They won't come when you are thinner or smarter, or richer. Those things might make you feel a bit better, but you won't enjoy them without first finding that which is waiting to be discovered within you.
It is you, who you are, standing alone. Not with your children, or husband, or significant other, or with your parents even. I know, many of you understand this, and know the importance of this. But for me, it is what my life revolves around. Everyday, I find that little safe place in me that is so familiar, I grasp it, and then go about my day... It is who I am. It is the one true thing I carry with me, in me.
Possessions, finding someone to love, huge goals, all those things are fine and good, but are we looking for them to them to fix us? Because, what they really should be doing is meerly enhancing our life...
I don't even know why I am on this wave :) I guess, a walk amongst nature, compelled me to share these things that I find invaluable, and that changed my path.
Of course, I have to come clean and say, everything isn't perfect in my world. I have desires for bettering myself, I have dreams of a tidy house. Of my very own nanny, to follow me around, pick-up after me, serve me tea & treats, take me on outings :). You know, maybe my very own Mary Poppins???
But today, I am just fine and happy....
I would just love for you to share with me, how you find peace and happiness? Share any tips you might have... Ways in which you have found bits and pieces of yourself. That which brings you closer to that sense of calm.
Well, sadly I must be off... I am working on 10 million things. I feel so busy lately... But, I do enjoy it!!! Oh and, the party at Enchanted Cliff Manor has a message for you...
Some of the characters are off on voyages to new homes... But, you can still find a character or two, waiting for a home in my shop....
In the next blog post, I will post the winner of the "teeny tiny tea party" attire!!! And, I will say, it has not been easy choosing!!!
See you sooon!! xo, V
One last thought... I think this is what Spring brings, the desire to break free, wash away the winter, to reflect. And to make room for new leaves...
