Do you remember falling in love? That youthful kind of heart palpitating love, where you felt butterflies in your stomach? Where you smiled just thinking about love itself? Where everything felt fresh and new and life waited for you with open arms, to explore it?
I felt that today, as I was watering my plants, getting ready to leave them for a couple of days (yes, I am running one day late as of now)...
I had the windows open, and a Lucio Battisti record was playing loud. Just as the song E Penso a Te hit the 2:19 mark, I felt my heart explode out of my chest, and it was like I was sucked into an Italian novela or some other world, where love was infused into the oxygen...
I know, I can be so cheesy. But at that moment, I realized I wanted to tell you something very important. You know, my life is far from perfect (trust me). But, I make certain choices, and those choices include dwelling on the good parts and chucking the not so good right out the window.
I choose to let the light in.
It would be extremely unwise of me to allow real negativity to start tiptoeing into my life. It would ruin everything I love about my world... My perfectly, imperfect world.
I was thinking about all of this, just this afternoon, when a little friend dove right into the water hose I was holding. This is my hummingbird friend, who goes so far as to sit on my toe when I am watering...
For a long time (say ages 15-22), I thought that dreams coming true and success and fulfillment were packages that held things like fame and fortune (insert silly grin). Then, something hit me like a brick one day...
I realized, success and fulfillment start to happen when you have a happy heart, and you can enjoy the moment, and accept your world just as it is. Any goodness added to that, is just icing on the cake...
I almost fell over when I realized that. How simple? Was it possible that all I had to do was let go???
I said to myself, Vanessa, the only way for you to be happy, is to let go of all the things you thought could make you happy, and simply embrace whatever goodness you have around you now. Then water that and let it grow...
Life comes and life goes. Today is all you have. And you don't even have control over that. We all know this, but often forget it when sucked into the craziness of daily life...
With that, my life changed. I have always been rather positive (minus the angst ridden late teens and early twenties), but I didn't know what I was searching for. Funny, when you realize, there is nothing to search for. It is already right there, with you now. In you.
I don't mean to harp on the same subject, and I certainly don't mean to sound like a know it all, or a pseudo motivational speaker. As I have said, I only know what works for me. And, what I believe in. But often, I get questions asking if my life really is as good as it seems.
And, yes. Yes it is that good. But only because I perceive it to be. It's all in my perception. I could list all the things that are not that great. I could see the negatives if I wanted to. But I don't want to. Yes, they try to creep in sometimes, but I stop them as fast as I can. I allow myself to feel anger and sadness, and I actually love to cry. I love the release. But I don't stay there very long...
I do this smile thing. Mister Lovee and I do this in the car. It started one day when we were having a (gasp) fight. And I said, you know what, let's just smile. So, I smiled. And I saw, he was too. Then we started laughing out loud.
And I'll tell you, if you just smile... Right now, just smile. You feel your spirit lift at the same time. There is no way to smile, and not feel a tinge of a spirit boost. I'm telling you, it works... So, I do it every now and then, just for the heck of it.
I make choices to take tiny risks. To play a little. To sleep in when I can. To lay off on the guilt trips I put myself though. And, to go easy on those I love. I decide when to quit the nagging, and I choose my battles, which when you look at it, most of them are pointless.
These are all the things Mom's tell us... Then we learn one day, it is all for our own good as much as it is for those around us...
I also made a huge decision many years ago, to allow myself to fall in love (I had kept myself from this for a long time after feeling the pain of lost love). I decided that, even if the outcome would hold heartbreak, I was just going to open my heart and see what would happen...
I am so glad I did!
So, I guess my point is that nothing is perfect, but it can be, with a little perception adjustment. Changing the way we see things can make a huge difference.
Believe, dream, laugh, love - all those words that seem sappy hold goodness. They do...
Now, I guess I should stop talking/typing, and pack (at least a toothbrush).
♥♥♥,V
