Thank goodness for you and your beautiful notes, of which I read and felt every single letter, word and sentence. Each one helping me begin my healing, holding my hand. Thank you for sharing with me that you understand my feelings, which in turn shows me that I understand yours.
Is there a phrase greater than thank you?
If so, that is what I feel...
You can't imagine how your kind words have helped me. I have thought about them, in the garden, prompting all sorts of thankfulness.
A week of thinking and healing, and being, leads me to this...
I have in my heart you see, Thank Goodness-es a plenty.
For, as I meander through my garden, I think, thank goodness I planted all those seeds in early spring.
And that they slowly grew...
Because, the morning after we lost our girl, I couldn't get myself out of bed. It was 9 a.m. and I knew that my plants had needed me since 5. So, I slowly, with that heavy sort of heart, got out of bed...
And, in the garden, I found blooms open - waiting...
I looked down at a new fresh poppy and thought, "how did this happen?"
It felt like, things had happened so quickly. Love, time, 10 years, in one blink, poof.
One minute Baby was with us running and playing, then all of a sudden she had a tumor growing rapidly up her nasal passage way, and around her left eye. Making it hard to breathe, swallow, and lastly, making her unable to see...
It seemed, surreal.
I felt so sad. I was upset, that a precious creature could be faced with such an ordeal.
We cried.
Loud, like children.
We cried with heart wrenching abandon.
I thought I saw her twice.
And then, sunflowers that had been growing for months, started to show their faces...
That's when I realized she was still here.
I saw her, I see her. In my heart of course. In my mind's eye.
The sunflowers whisper, everything is going to be okay.
And, their big blond leaves, remind me of my girl...
With those thoughts, I kept doing my garden chores.
3 little pumpkin patches live in my garden, in different places.
A pumpkin patch.
That was one of the dreams the dogs and I made this summer. We made dreams of grass, and towering sunflowers and pumpkins, and corn, and more...
Big dreams in the garden, I kept chanting, while planting seed after seed.
While furry children, were constantly by my side.
I wasn't given high hopes from reasonable people around me, about what my garden could produce in our hot and dry climate.
Thank goodness, that I don't listen to reason.
:)
My friend Dick came over a couple of weeks ago, and I bored him with the ins and outs of my garden. He asked me what I was going for? He wondered if I was trying to grow a certain amount of pumpkins, or grow one a certain size?
And I said, quite honestly, I am just happy that we have gotten this far.
Thankfulness.
I am so thankful that I got to know Baby, that I met her that day at the yard sale.
I am thankful for every morsel of tiny goodness.
I am thankful that my perception of life changed in my twenties, and that I embrace simplicity.
Because really, it is all too easy to drown, in this life, in this world.
But if we think simply, we can live beautifully.
I can drown in complexities of sorrow.
Or, I can be happy with my experiences, and yes, mourn for their passing, but relish in the fact that they happened.
Plain and simple.
I'll leave the complexities to someone else...
Do I sound corny?
Sometimes I think I sound so corny. I am a realistic person, and I know it is so much easier to be sarcastic and angry, than happy and silly and glad.
But, I guess as you get older, silly, happy and glad, along with corny and sappy, get so much easier, and win over sarcastic and angry any ole day. And bonus, you stop caring if it makes you cool or lame, to be happy and delighted (and corny).
Through happy and peaceful thoughts, little by little, I am healing.
I am feeling uplifted, thanks to your words, my garden and choices.
Choosing to embrace all that is good.
Of course, I get huge pangs of sadness. So I feel, and I cry.
Loss is such a yucky feeling.
But then, I remind myself of all the good.
And, I hug Mister and cuddle this one to no end...
And then, I feel a little better.
Over the last couple of days I have been enjoying the taunting monsoon skies...
Who gift droplets to my giant sunflowers...
Thank goodness for the rabbit who dropped the yellow squash he was "borrowing..."
It was yumm.
Thank goodness for ripening peaches...
And sweet corn, oh my, yes indeed!
Oh, it was soooooo good.
Sweet delectable corn, thank goodness you grew!
(from oodles of 6 year old expired seeds, that I found in a drawer)
And, thank goodness to cactus flowers too...
In my garden, I start to heal, with its ups and down and all arounds. Good things happen, and bad things happen...
Gophers happen.
But the good, does out-weight the bad.
In life, and in the garden, you don't have to lose all hope.
Hearts heal in time...
I am open to love and loss, and feeling and healing. I am open to crying and screaming, and laughing and squealing. I am open to ups and downs and all arounds.
And most of all, I am open to believing.
And not always listening to reason.
I am ever so thankful for time and healing, and for having faith.
Wow, life is quite a ride and journey, and I am glad that we get to share it in snippets, right here. You with me, and me with you.
♥,V
ps: I will draw names for the Mad Tea Party book giveaway, and share a sunflower idea I have, in my next post.
pss: I forgot to say that in the last few evenings, when I am out watering, I feel a strange feeling that someone is watching me. Thank goodness, I discovered who who it was...
