Hello there! I can't begin to tell you how happy I am to be here.
I just had a more than rotten 2 day journey with my nasty one or two times a year visitor.
Vertigo.
You may have heard of him in my life before.
I don't like him at all.
He is not welcome.
He tries to do me in every time he visits.
This time was one of the rottenest.
I quite honestly, did not think I would make it back to the world of non-spinning this time around.
But, here I am, taking baby steps back into the real world.
The only good thing about this, is the renewed sense of life I get, after I start to feel better again.
How every thing in the world like, birds, trees, dogs, sprouts, seeds, mom, dad, sister, brother, Lovee, granny, grandpa, aunts, uncles, you, air, sun, here, clouds, friends and more is 200 times more important to me.
And everything else seems frivolous.
I have two fading blackish eyes from all the tiny burst blood vessels I acquired around my eyes whilst in the worst moments (think porcelain god).
I toyed with not telling you this tale.
I mean, who really wants to hear about such a thing...?
Alas, it's the truth.
It's where I've been.
It's part of my reality.
I loathe not feeling good.
I rarely catch colds.
(have not had one in 4 years)
I eat tons of healthy things.
(and non healthy things too :)
I like to think I am strong and tough.
But when I get those vertigo spells once a year, brought on from a head injury horse fall in 1993 and subsequent messed up inner ear, I get lost in a scary abyss.
I start to think about all the folks out there, who don't feel good regularly.
How it's so easy to take life for granted in the day to day hustle and bustle, not realizing how fragile we really are. How fleeting our time here is. How we must try to savor each moment..
How so much of what we put importance on is meaningless.
How we should be kinder to ourselves.
And, how those we love are really all that truly matters in the grand scheme of things.
Memories...
(Below, my Dad holding Miles the day I adopted him, with sis and Mom surrounding us)
Thanks to vertigo meds, I am feeling much better, and I can slowly turn my head and play with the boys.
I can eat yummy things again too.
Like sushi and buttered toast. (not at the same time)
I can walk outside, I can call my Mom on the phone.
You get lost in vertigo.
No place to turn, no relief, no thoughts about anything but the overwhelming spins and waves and twists and turns your loss of equilibrium puts you in.
Crying, hanging on to the bed as though it is spinning in space.
And, when it's over - it's blocked out, until the next time...
(hopefully not for another year. hopefully never again)
I guess what I am trying to say is, I feel compassion for anyone out there who doesn't feel 100% well. No matter what level of ailment.
That includes heartbreak and depression.
And, I guess I just wanted to share a real side of my world.
Most of the time when I tell people I have vertigo, they sort of brush me off.
And I wonder, have I ever done that to someone when they come to me, trying to tell me how they feel?
I think I have.
It's human nature...
It's hard to understand things, unless we are going through them ourselves.
So, this post is for anyone going through anything in life that's thrown a wrench at you.
Anything at all.
I am thinking about you, out there somewhere...
If you have anything you want to share, about anything you might be going through in your life, please feel free to chat about it here. I will be checking in throughout the day. Putting in my two cents.
I think sometimes, a great gift is a moment in time to share our thoughts and feelings.
I know I am grateful to be able to come here and share.
Even some very private life happenings from time to time...
Love, V
ps: Matty never left my side while I was under the weather. What a special guy... I love him so.
pss: Miles - my sleepy studio companion.
psss: Helooo! Happy Monday! I am chatting in comments. I have never done this as such before - but this is a good post to share thoughts in such a way. I posted 2 different (hopefully no too long) comments so far ;) my second one is way at the end, on the 2nd comments page.
