A Fanciful Twist

Love.

Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you for all the Matty love.

You have no idea what that means.

I can't even tell you.

Today he is wanting to walk around a little more.

He is sleeping a lot too.

A little dizzy-ish, head to one side a bit still.

Not too interested in eating.

But seemingly, a bit more lucid.

I am cooking him things he likes, and from time to time he gobbles some up.

But, dare I say, the steroid for potential inflammation might be working.

(he is on 6 meds right now)

Hoooray hoooooray hooooooray!!

(knock on wood)

We are all cuddled up, me doodling for sanity.

Still.

And maybe always.

The doodles found me at the best time.

I think we should all doodle, 100% for sure.

It's like purging your emotions and feelings through journaling.

Only, better.

Easier.

For me at least.

I am finding sun rays.

I am working on myself.

Heart and mind.

Nerves and anxieties.

Seeing life's challenges in a different light.

All I care about right now, is that Matty is not in any pain.

That is the part I can't stand.

I just want him to have comfort.

I sleep with him all night.

He cozies up in the middle of my bed.

He is with me, by my side all day.

I hope he is feeling better.

That in some way the medicine is working.

The medicines are meant to work on different things that could potentially be the cause of the ailments.

All I hope is that something works, and he is comfortable.

The doctors were extremely thorough both at the vets and the hospital.

They worked hard to find a cause.

Blood tests, neurology tests.

But they couldn't really tell.

So, we are in that space where we will know within 1 week how things are going.

Life is such a strange place.

It is so wonderful and magical, and so harsh and tough.

All bundled into one.

I often say that life really is like a fairytale.

Filled with lots of good and bad.

But all we can do is hope that we learn from the tough times.

Grow and become better people.

That we have the strength to pull ourselves out of the sad times.

And that, we find some hearty sense of peace within.

Life has ups and downs and all arounds.

It's how we face those times, that gets us to the brighter other side.

Sometimes, the going through things is beyond painful.

And we just can't see the light.

After a while you learn that, the light is there.

At the end of the tunnel, the light is waiting for you.

It is.

The key is, trying hard to find a way not to loose your zest and love for being on this planet, when the going gets crazy tough.

That's the challenge, isn't it?

We never want to see those we love in pain.

Seeing someone suffer hurts like mad.

When Mister Lovee had his really bad car accident several years ago, I would go in the garden and cry.  Hoping and wishing for times to be as they once were.

After a while of getting through the madness of such an event, and broken bones etc, things were just as good again.

A miracle.

A gift.

When Baby died, I couldn't imagine my heart mending.

Then Miles came into our lives and brought Matty, Lovee and me much joy.

There is love to be found.

There are wonderful full days again.

It's just, they might be a bit different.

The one thing I know is, it's good to cry.

It's good to sob.

It's good to laugh.

It's good to hope and pray and have faith.

It's okay to break down.

And then puzzle piece yourself back together again.

It's okay to love, no matter how much it hurts sometimes.

It's important to remind ourselves of this over and over.

And to love those in our life, everyday, like it's the last.

Life will be sad and hard.

And good and wonderful.

In no specific order.

With no warning.

Through trials, we learn, it'll be okay.

Somehow.

We will make it.

Love or loss.

We are so lucky to have known such love.

Whether it is current, or a memory.

 

But, for now, it's living in the moment that matters.

 

This is what I am reminding myself of.

Every.

Minute.

Especially when the worry critters run through my belly, for my furry boy.

Just love love love.

 

Thank you for being out there.

Such bountiful good wishes sent from us, to you.

 

Love,

Vanessa, Mister Lovee, Matty & Miles

 

 

Matty Love

So, it's been quite a few days.

And...

Our little family has been on the most unexpected whirlwind journey.

Trying to save the life of our beloved Matty dog son.

He's hanging in there so far.

Vet visits, emergency ER visits, pup in the ICU.

Oh my head and heart.

We are holding onto hope.

I made a new canvas print, as I have kept doodling through the tears and stress of worrying about him...

I framed a copy for myself...

In case you are wondering...

To give you an idea of what has been going on -

One day recently, Matty simply didn't want to get out of bed.

This went on for a couple of days, I thought maybe it was the cold and snow.

So, I kept him bundled up.

But after a couple of days, I was too worried.

He was hanging his head to the left side.

Tail down.

Bumping into things.

Ears strangely positioned.

He went from a total tough rambunctious boy, to very strange off behaviour.

No barking, no sounds, confused and getting worse by the minute.

So, we rushed him to the vet.

They checked him out.

No fever etc.

So we opted for blood tests.

It would take a few days for results.

Meanwhile, while waiting, Matty deteriorated.

Shaking a lot.

Bumping into things more, and falling over.

All really scary for us to see.

And worse, we can't ask him what's wrong.

As we waited for the blood tests, he got even worse.

Just limp, not moving, shaking legs.

Acting like he couldn't see.

Confused, dizzy like, still bumping into things on left side etc.

So, the vet had us rush him to a doggie ER hospital.

Where they specialize in neurology.

At first they thought Matty had been poisoned.

They asked things like, did he bump his head?

Did he eat this or that.

And on and on.

I thought maybe it was inner ear?

But they said that doesn't look to be the case.

They did lots of tests.

And put him on 6 medications.

The blood tests show nothing.

All looks normal in the blood, so now we are on a mystery hunt.

We hope something will work.

He is still falling over and confused.

He seems sort of dizzy and discombobulated.

It's all very strange and scary.

I want to fall apart, but I am trying to be super strong.

To stay positive, and just care for Matty the best that I can.

Miles is so worried, licking and loving his brother.

I would LOVE to hear Matty bark again.

And see him run like a gazelle down the driveway.

I would love to be able to fix him.

The doctor says that right now, we are basically in do or die mode.

Heart sinks.

We have to wait 1 week to see how the meds work.

Meanwhile I hope and pray like a mad woman.

There is nothing like seeing Mister Lovee sob in the ER, to make this whole thing all too real and totally surreal all at once.

Well, off I go to sit with my boy.

His only happy spot is in the middle of my bed...

I stay up with him most of the night.

And Miles cuddles in with us.

 

We need our little warrior back.

 

Miles goes up to Matty and licks his forehead.

And they touch noses.

Matty tried to shake his tail for a moment when Miles touched noses with him last night.

I hope this is some odd thing that can be cured.

How I hope...

 

Love, Vanessa

 

 

Doing & Doodle Days #2

The snow is gone and the ground is green, woo hooo!

Little sprouts everywhere.

I am sooo glad so many of you want to doodle with me.

I used to keep journals, oh back beginning in the 2nd grade.

Me and my diary, telling it all my secrets.

Then having to rip up pages and burn them for fear my parents would read them.

Haha!

But, whilst doodling, I have been throwing in a few feelings and ideas swirling about.

Not major journaling though.

Not yet at least.

Right now I just want to mindlessly draw.

I don't want to think about it, or hash anything out.

I just want to relax and unwind in the drawing.

I doodled every night this week.

I had more peaceful rests at night because of it.

My mind was less full and thinking endlessly.

Lovee was like, that's a lot of stuff on those pages.

And I said, that's nothing compared to how my brain feels :)

Lots of you doodle already.

But have those of you who don't doodle regularly, started again?

I am trying to figure out a way for us to share our doodles.

You could send me photos/scans and I could upload them into an online album if you'd like?

Or, you can send photos and I can post them every so often in doodle blog posts?

I was going to start adding a little color to my doodles.

However I only did 1 heart.

I realized, I am still just in doodle mode, and not ready for color quite yet.

I had a little glitter paint on hand.

But, I know my ink will smear, so, I am just going to stay in the doodle days for a tinge longer.

You?

I am in this place right now where the doodling is strictly for therapeutic fun relaxing reasons. 

And not for work. 

I don't want to have to think quite yet.

So, here I am.

Setting a little bit of doodling time aside every evening.

(and sometimes more, because I just can't help myself)

Fill me in on if you are doodling too.

Sleeping better?

Having fun? Feeling blocked?

Not joining in yet?

Let's chat in comments.

I'll be there chatting, so if you want to peek back, feel free.

I am in a place myself, where my mind is searching for more shapes.

And, I feel this really intense calm and "zoning out" in all this doodling.

I am liking this.

A lot.

You?

 

Snow Fall Magic

Narnia came to visit as I plunged into our doodling fun.

I am still doodling, and hope you are too.

But, let's take a little detour with some snow photos, k?

Sooo much snow swept in.

Day long snow.

Mid day snow.

Night snow.

All in Southern Arizona.

Granted, I live up in the mountains a little.

So that helps.

We spent so much time out there in it.

Forgive my endless photos, but I want my mom and dad to be able to peek in and see them too.

This was oodles of snow for us.

Deep too.

At least 3 inches.

Deeper in some spots.

We usually get February snow, but mostly at night, and like I said, gone by late morning the next day.

But all day snow?

 That's a treat indeed.

I know some of you get snow all the time.

You probably are in snow now even.

But this sort of heavy snow is just amazing here.

So peaceful.

Those quiet moments.

Under tree.

Listening to the silence.

That's my favorite thing.

Ocean blue sky.

Powdered sugar branches.

Bliss.

Matty has been sick, but I let him go out and play just a little.

However, Miles spent two days out in the white stuff.

Happy as can be.

He acts like he comes from the snow country or something.

It's wild.

It felt like walking through a storybook...

All those fairy tales swirling about.

I almost expected Mister Tumnus to scamper by, I tell you.

Silly, but true.

Snow man making is hard.

Mister Lovee, coming from snow lands was great at it, but his snow woman was sort of creepy.

A huge snow woman, all hunched in the snow.

So this morning, I made my own.

Here she is...

Miles kept sniffing her.

I think he wanted her carrot nose :)

The gypsy camp, all tucked under the snow heavy trees.

So many pictures I took.

It took me hours to decide what to share.

 

I took videos too.

I have not looked at them yet.

Can't wait to.

Below is a shot of out back, by the enclosed vegetable gardens.

Then, looking into the larger vegetable garden.

So fluffy and white.

The cottage was extra sweet covered in snow.

Snow just makes everything prettier I think.

Snow Cacti.

How funny is that?

Plus, 2 Cinderellas.

No wheeled rides today.

Just hiding out in there, with my dandy little heater.

Watching everything get covered.

It was wonderful.

We played, and laughed, and made snow angels.

It didn't even feel that cold really.

Up and down the path in Fanciful, Arizona.

Now, as I look out my window, it's almost all gone.

Just my kind of snow.

Two days of fun, and then, adios.

:)

I doodled a lot last night and this morning.

Doodling day #2, on it's way soon.

Any snow in your neck of the woods?

 

Love, V