And then, just like that, the saddest day was upon us...
We had exactly one whole gifted year with him, after his diagnosis with terminal cancer.
But still, there are never enough hugs.
Never enough kisses.
Never enough moments sitting in the sunshine together.
Never enough walks or belly rubs with our happiest guy ever.
How does time go by so very fast?
He was pure light, pure sunshine...
And he brought us all together in such a beautiful way.
You will never believe what happened on the day he passed.
I'll share that below, but first I'd like to share oodles of photos, which were not easy to choose.
I must have a hundred thousand photos of the boys over the last decade.
But I thought it was important to remember Miles here in this way <3
Miles was born on the coldest days we've ever experienced in the high desert 10 years ago.
His birthdate was November 22, 2010 and I adopted him a couple days after Christmas.
I brought him home on my lap and Matty (Matisse) accepted him right away, which was very unusual for being the type of dog Matty is.
From this very first day he was brave and joyful, such endless joy exuding from him.
He was fearless and he helped his brother Matty, who was one year older than him, get past a lot of his own fears.
He just had this sort of angelic quality to him.
He loved to let me dress him up and take pictures.
If I ever said, let's take a picture, he'd stop and look up at me just like this.
He loved the snow, and he really always loved the cold air.
Maybe because he was born when it was so cold.
We'd go outside with him at 2 and 3 a.m. and just freeze, but he loved it.
He had the most beautiful temperament, and was polite to a fault.
His entire life he'd stop and wait for you to tell him he could come inside.
Even though he was allowed inside and lived inside.
If you left the door open so he could come back in at his own leisure, he'd sit right outside the door and wait until you said, it's okay to come in Miley.
He learned every trick in one try and understood us so clearly.
He filled our home with such incredible joy and laughter.
And he loved anyone he came into contact with.
Once I was in line at Fed-Ex and he was standing next to and slightly behind me -
A super tall marine came in and when I turned around, he was on the floor with Miles.
It was clear Miles was giving him something special.
Miles had that sort of healing nature about him.
People would gravitate towards him and kneel down to share a moment.
And always, they had a sort of moment with Miles that would inspire them to thank me.
I know Mister Lovee will miss the clouds of dust and the party that would ensue when he'd drive up to the front gate.
You know that epic sort of greeting only a happy dog can impart.
Miles would shower you with light through his lovely personality.
Above everything, he was my baby.
He and Matty are by my side 24/7 -
And so the emptiness that his passing has left behind is beyond palpable.
I will hold the memory of his epic hugs...
Love of the garden...
And standing just sniffing the air in bliss as some of my best memories of him.
He is buried on the other side of his arbor, to the left...
In his favorite verbena patch.
It's really almost as if the verbena patch grew just for him.
He kept all manner of bones and toys in it.
When we went to dig his grave, we noticed that the verbena patch had grown in the shape of a heart.
So, of course, there was no other place to lay him to rest than right there.
He left me a pile of stuffingless toys, which I will cherish forever.
My friend told me a while back, that his dog had once ruined a piece of furniture in his house.
But that when his dog died, that piece of furniture became him most beloved thing.
Because it held the memory of his dog.
When Miles was a baby he carved out his favorite spot between the sofa and an old teal wooden trunk.
It is perfectly scratched by his baby paws to adult paws on one side, holding the most invaluable memory of him.
What a handsome, happy sport.
Up until the very end, he kept his absolutely lovely personality.
All he ever wanted was to be loved and give love.
He wanted to make you happy, and boy did he ever.
I am certain that his spirit will live in the garden, and maybe, if you look close enough you might even see his fluffy tail wagging in the breeze.
You are never really prepared for the pain of loss.
For the heartbreak you literally feel in the depths of your chest.
But as Mister Lovee says, we are weeping for the loss of his presence in our lives.
But, we know he lived a full happy life, and when the end came it was undoubtedly the end of a life more than well lived.
We'll remember him running through our own fields of gold, when the winter turns our land golden.
Carrying his stick under pink mountain sunsets...
And the way he would always run up to me when I would call out, hummingbiiiiiird <3
He will forever be the keeper of our country garden...
Miles and Baby, two goldens, are the angel keeper's of our home and garden.
We raised Miles from a wee baby -
And his entire being is etched so deeply into our hearts, it's impossible to describe.
A few days before Miles took a sharp turn for the worst, he was trotting in front of us on a walk in the desert.
He knew the trail well, and would stop just to look back at us and check that we were okay.
He and the Irishman had mastered these trails.
Just then I had this wave of emotion come over me as I watched him, that Miles had completed his journey here.
That he had learned everything he needed to learn and was his very best self.
I knew he had reached the summit, and that thought made me sob on that walk.
As we were walking along and I was sobbing, a big owl flew above us and landed right near us.
I immediately recalled that the day Baby died, an owl appeared on the corner of the house also.
And right then, I knew in my heart, that something was about to change.
In less than one week from that walk Miles started to lose the function in his two right legs and developed many more tumors along his spine in days.
He took a turn on December 12th, a year after he was diagnosed.
Over the next few days he deteriorated rapidly.
He had a home vet by his side, laying in a beautiful bed in the garden, almost exactly where he is sitting below, when he passed.
His three humans were by his side, holding him and loving him until his last breath.
He was loved beyond compare.
It will take a long time to heal from losing him, only because he showered our lives with a love, light and sunshine that is irreplaceable.
The depth of his love could be felt so ardently, that he changed us forever.
Miles died on December 16th at around 11:11 a.m.
Later that evening, shaken by grief, something so otherworldly happened, that if I had not been able to reach for my camera I would not believe it myself.
I was sitting in the kitchen window nook, when a huge white owl with a golden face swooped in and just stared at me.
The same way an owl appeared the day Baby died 10 years ago.
The same way an owl appeared on our walk a week before Miles died -
An owl appeared on the very day Miles left us.
He got very close, he was not afraid, I just looked up at him and said, Thank you Miley <3
He stayed for a long time.
Just looking around the garden and down at me.
I went outside and stood near him for a little while.
And then, he jumped even closer from the branches...
And he sat on the outdoor fireplace, right close to me in the garden.
When my best friend's husband died last year, I had a dream that he said to tell her to look for him in the light of prisms.
When I looked at the photos I had taken of the owl, there were prisms all around as though confirming for me that Miley had made the journey safely.
That he is okay <3
And so, Miley will reign here forever, in his verbena patch, under the tree where the hummingbirds sit at golden hour.
Right by our own rainbow bridge.
A life lived to the fullest.
Filled with all the love and treats and good dinners and more love than any dog could ever receive.
In return, the love he gave (in the words of Mister Lovee), was imperceptible when he was here because you saw him day to day, but immeasurable now that he is gone.
The vast emptiness you feel is the grief - that is what my friend Joyce told me.
There is a huge gap without Miley.
We were so lucky to have him in our lives for 10 amazing years.
He held on to that extra year like a real trooper.
It wasn't easy to go around with 2 big tumors I'm sure, but every day I was his cheerleader.
I would get really excited and say, Miley, you are okay there is nothing wrong and you will get better.
As soon as I'd say that he'd jump up and wag his tail and be his super chipper self.
He took 2 medications a day his last year, which I'd hide in butter and follow up with some luxurious treat.
I cooked him up all sorts of meals he loved every day.
On his last day, as he layed in bed and had become paralyzed, he still would lift his head joyfully and even wanted a treat.
He heard Matty running around and wanting to get up, he'd try to lift his shoulder but he simply couldn't.
It was truly the end of his journey.
I held his head in my hand and loved him, and told him he was going to take a nap and I'd see him again soon.
Mister Lovee stayed nose to nose with him in the verbena patch until it was clear, he was gone, and I kept petting his head and ears.
We buried him with a canvas we all wrote messages on...
I wrote several including one of the first songs I learned on the piano when I was a little girl.
"Happy trails to you, until we meet again..."
The next night I had a dream -
Miles was on my left side and we were walking through a beautiful meadow and came up to a rolling hill.
In the distance you could see a beautiful ornate arch and the rainbow bridge behind it.
I knelt down and hugged him and said, it's time for you to go Miley, I'll be back here one day to meet you, and I pointed to the bridge.
But he didn't want to go, he pushed into my side and I kneeled down and hugged his soft golden fur and kissed his cheek.
I said, you have to go but I will see you again.
And then I woke up.
His journey here was totally complete.
He did everything, went everywhere, learned everything - he was as perfect as he could be.
It will take time for us to heal, as healing does.
But that love is etched so deep into your heart, there are moments you just break down and sob.
Your dog or cat is with you all the time, so when they go, it feels as though you have lost a part of yourself.
The emotions are deep, they ebb and flow.
Sometimes it feels like the heartbreak is too much.
But you must allow yourself to grieve, and as time passes you feel things lift and shift.
And you are able to one day, just hold them in love and not endless buckets of tears.
I've been sitting in the sunshine, seeking the light.
Miles was pure sunshine, so I close my eyes outside in the sun and I feel him.
I love you Miley.
*******
(us on a hike in 2017)
Thank you for your incredible support over on Instagram.
I'm so glad I could share him with you virtually and in vidoes over there.
I only wish you could have met him in person.
Sending so much love and support back to all of you who are mourning the loss of a loved one.
Lots of love, from us to you.
Thank you for being a part of our lives here.
Today I feel a little bit better, things are shifting slowly, to where I can remember him with love and not just sadness.
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
ps: I will return in a few days to share a few snippets for Christmas.
Miles was all love and although I've sobbed my heart out, I know I must try to live in the joy of his memories.
I am allowing myself to feel, but I also know the importance of thinking good thoughts, even when you are sad, no matter how hard.
Even if you are laughing and crying at the same time.
*******
Matty is doing pretty well, he's been relaxing, and still excited to go on walks.
He's a funny little dog, as Mister Lovee says, Matty is here to do his one job and be my protector.
He is my shadow, always by my side.
I think he will be okay, and he will get a lot of extra love.
He did show curiosity at Miles' burial, I think he knows what happened.
<3
pps: Here are some past posts about Miles -
The day we brought him home, right here.
And his first birthday, right here.
