Ah, golden hour...
How can one resist it?
I am lucky to face north, so I get both morning and afternoon light in both gardens.
I feel so small strolling through my paths, with the rain turning everything so very tall.
Pumpkin vines create roots at the base of leaves as they grow, anchoring into the ground, which helps them become stronger and survive even if something happens along the line, err vine.
This year we have had so much rain that those anchors have created off shoots, and right now the garden is becoming completely gobbled up by pumpkin vines.
Paths are invisible in some places, and crawling wildly up others.
I decided over a month ago that I was simply going to let it all go wild.
Through the tallest of the garden gates, and into a Thumbelina world is where we shall go.
A true secret garden, because no one could ever find you here.
The cosmos and zinnias have grown like beanstalks.
There have been many baby cardinals born in my garden this summer.
Here is one below...
Mom is very loud, and jumps into the vines when she sees me coming.
Of course, dad swoops in to save the day.
If they only knew that I was a good one, and that I nurture this garden just for them.
The brassica are gigantic, the morning glories are out of control.
I can barely find my way, pushing through cosmos much taller than me.
Searching for that wondrous light of late afternoon.
Until I am found.
Watching the yellow belly finches tear zinnias apart.
As hummingbird moths flutter all around me.
The amount of rain we have had in the last month or so is absolutely remarkable.
I have lined the fence with bench arbors, so that you can sit in many places and just think and enjoy the growing things.
I have some favorite nooks, and I noticed the pumpkin vines are making their way up several of them.
You can't imagine how they exploded with the rain, I am not sure what is going to happen, I am trying to train them to continue their growth towards a huge untapped part of the garden in the south west section.
There is almost no place for me, it makes us laugh all the time with how outrageous the whole thing is.
It's a true Thumbelina jungle really.
Of course, the garden is the best place to think and clear you head.
And recently (as I eluded to in my last post), I've been thinking about adding another fur to my life.
At first I thought, nope, it's just me and Matty now that Miley is gone.
(I can't even type that without starting to sob, honestly)
We have a good thing going, and jump in the car and go from house to house together.
We sleep cozily in both places and it's all good.
But one day recently, Mister Lovee said, check your e-mail.
When I checked there was an email he had written that I was copied on.
He had found a family that had adopted two golden retrievers, but found themselves in a situation where they had to rehome them.
What I went on to read had me in a puddle.
ML had told them all about our history with dogs, and how we had just lost Miley in December.
How we treat our dogs like our children, and how loved and cared for they are.
He had attached the blog posts I did when both Baby and Miles died, along with other lovely posts.
It was like I was seeing my entire history of being a dog mom in one fell swoop, and I sobbed.
It was the most beautiful letter I had ever read, beyond words.
And in that moment I realized -
I want them!
I hadn't even realized I was ready, but to see them I felt my heart explode, and grow.
The way your heart grows when you think you can never love another dog again.
The dogs would have so much space to run at both houses, in big gardens, it would be perfect.
I went from no more dogs to, I am ready, in just a few minutes.
The thought of being able to help this family, and grow our dog family, seemed perfect.
We went back and forth with the owner until things got a little strange.
I googled him and his e-mail address, and it turned out it was all a scam.
He had done this to a bunch of other people.
I was a bit shocked, but also felt okay with it, because I realized that I could use it as a test to see if I was actually ready.
A second time I came across a family eager to rehome a dog and quickly realized it was another scam.
And so, even though they were scams and we walked away with no real loss, it has been a great exercise in determining where I am in my dog mom journey.
I guess, I am at the open stage.
Until that email ML wrote to that initial person, I was in a "probably not" place.
And, now I am more open.
I wake up in the morning thinking about it.
Do you know the feeling of your heart being broken, and yet there is nothing you can do about it?
(Only time can try to fix you.)
This is how I feel about Miles still.
My sister calls it, an impossible loss, and that is exactly what it is.
When Baby died, I thought I could never love as deeply ever again.
But as I sit here typing -
I can't even express my love for Miles - it was even deeper.
8 months without my beautiful boy.
And yet somehow -
My heart is telling me it might be able to expand again.
And Matty might enjoy a little friend, in the same way he embraced baby Miles.
All I can say is, thank goodness for my Thumbelina garden during all of the things going on out there in the world, plus losing Miles, etc.
It's been a true sanctuary for my heart and soul.
I was out there just now, admiring the beautiful butterflies and endless caterpillars on the milkweed.
The garden of healing, pondering, dreaming.
What a thing -
A garden.
I promise you some better images of the Thumbelina-ness of it all soon.
So, there's my tale for the day, I didn't mean to end up crying all over my fancy gown.
Okay, maybe not a gown.
Maybe just a pajama, but a girl can pretend ;-)
See you tomorrow sweet friends!
Love, Vanessa
xoxo
ps: If you read this and there were 10,000 weird typos, I have officially fixed them.
I wanted to post before midnight eastern time, which meant that I had to post by 8:59 p.m. my time.
So, I posted this before editing (down to the wire at 8:57) so that it would be up on the 20th, then I went back and fixed everything.
This is the 7 days of blogging after-all, I've got deadlines to meet.
I love these challenges I'm imposing on myself for no good reason, haha!
Hope I am amusing you at least slightly ;-)
